Thunder Horse
by RaydorLove
Summary: A tale of love about Stands With A Fist's first husband.
1. Chapter 1

This is the story of Stands With A Fist's first husband Thunder Horse. I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think. It is a sweet story now, but will get juicer later on.

[1]

Thunder Horse stepped out of his lodge, and right into the path of Yellow Flower. He heaved a weary sigh before turning and walking in the opposite direction. She followed of course. Ever since word spread through the camp that he was looking for a wife, eligible girls had started popping up everywhere he turned. At first he enjoyed the attention, but he was growing tired of their constant flirting and random giggling. Lately he had to mount his paint and escape to the prairie to get a moments peace. Yellow Flower, more than most, had that look in her eyes, like he was a prime piece of buffalo and she had a powerful hunger to satisfy. More than once she had offered to let him have what should be reserved for her wedding night. He could not know for sure, but her boldness led him to believe that she had given that gift away long ago.

Thunder Horse was almost running, and Yellow Flower was trying to keep up. She called out his name and he pretended not to hear her. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dove Feather step out of her father's lodge, and he swerved to the right to avoid her. He made it to the ponies and he leaped onto the prized pinto that his father had given him after his first raid. He grabbed a fist full of mane and took off. He loved the feel of the wind on his face, and the raw power of the horse under him. Thunder Horse's best friend, Wind In His Hair rode up beside him. They smiled at each other and rode out into the vast open prairie.

[2]

Stands With a Fist re-adjusted the bundle of kindling that was flung over her shoulder. It was only mid-day and already her body ached. She had carried the bladders to the river and back again, filled with water for the family, then scrapped two large buffalo hides and hung them up to dry. She collected two large bundles of wood for Kicking Bird's fire. The nights were already growing colder, and before long she would be bringing in three bundles a day.

Later, after helping Black Shawl with preparation of the evening meal, she had some bead work that needed to be done while there was still light to see by. Stands With a Fist stepped into the dark lodge, lit only by the sun streaming in where the flap was thrown back. She neatly added her wood to the existing supply.

"Stands With a Fist, you have done much work today." Stands turned to see her adopted father sitting in the darkness of his fort, carving a piece of wood into a bear for his young son.

"Yes, there is much work to do," She replied, "and not many hours to get it done."

"You are a good daughter." He carved without looking at her.

"Thank you." She rolled up the sling that she had used to carry the wood from the forest, and put it in its place until it was needed again.

"Come and sit with me. We will have a talk." Stands walked over to Kicking Bird and lowered herself to her knees on the buffalo skin that lined the floor of the lodge.

"You have lived with my family for fourteen winters, and you lived almost 10 winters before you came to be with the Sioux people. I think it is time you considered taking a husband." He stated suddenly, Stands With a Fist was speechless for a moment.

"Who would have me as a wife?" She asked doubtfully.

"Why do you say this?" He asked.

"I'm not …I'm wasichu, a white woman." She reminded.

"You are a good Sioux woman with a good Sioux name. You will make a fine wife." Stands was skeptical.

"For who? No one has expressed an interest in me. Have they?" She asked, suddenly hopeful.

"Thunder Horse is looking for a wife. Every day the young girls follow him through the village trying to win his affections. If he is not to your liking, there are many other good prospects?" Stands blushed and lowered her eyes.

"Thunder Horse is a fine warrior, and he would make a good husband, but he doesn't have time to notice me. There are many other girls to choose from who are…not white." Kicking Bird patted Stands sympathetically on the shoulder.

"How will he ever notice you if you are always working."

"Would you rather we run out of water, or wood, or food to eat, or blankets to keep your children warm in winter?" She reasoned.

"What you say makes sense." He went back to his carving.

"You would think that with all the girls following Thunder Horse around that one of them would think to stock his wood pile, or fill his bladders with water. Yet he must tend to these things himself." Kicking Bird raised an eyebrow in her direction. Stands smiled at her adopted father who was a wise holy man to their people. She decided that in this he was also wise. She nodded without saying a word. Instead she rose to her feet and retrieved the wood sling and exited the lodge.

[3]

When Thunder Horse snuck back into his lodge and lowered the flap at dusk, he was shocked to find a huge pile of firewood and two full bladders of water. He was confused by this. He hung up the fish that he had caught that afternoon and lit his cooking fire. As he cleaned and cooked the trout, he thought about who could have stocked his lodge while he was gone, but he could not think of whom it could have been. After cleaning up after himself, Thunder Horse stretched out on his only buffalo skin to sleep alone.

[4]

When Stands awoke the next morning, Kicking Bird was preparing to leave. After dinner the night before, she told Kicking Bird that she had seen only one blanket in Thunder Horse's lodge, and she expressed concern about the coming winter. Kicking Bird told her he would think on it, and before he left the lodge for the day, he recommended a solution.

"Stands With a Fist, you have skinned many blankets for our family. We have almost enough to get us through the Winter. Perhaps you can find someone else who has use of a blanket." Black Shawl looked at her husband with a puzzled expression on her face. Stands only smiled.

"I will make a fine blanket." She assured.

"Walk with me wife." Kicking Bird and Black Shawl stepped out of the lodge and left Stands to get the children up and begin putting away the sleep pallets.

[5]

"You are giving away buffalo skins now?" Black Shaw asked.

"It is time Stands took a husband. " He declared, and Black Shawl did not disagree.

"It is customary for the groom to give gifts to the bride's father, not the other way around." She reminded her husband.

"Stands is interested in Thunder Horse, but she does not think she has a chance because she is white. Thunder Horse is a wise man. He will see the benefit in a wife who is willing to work hard to keep his lodge. I did." Black Shawl smiled tenderly and kissed her husband.

"I thought you chose me because of my beauty and my charm." She teased.

"That too." He smiled, then turned to leave. Black Shawl went back inside.

[6]

"I will do that." She said, taking her husband's pallet from Stands. "You best start on your blanket."

Obediently, Stands left the lodge and took a skin from the place where they were stored in the lean-to. She staked it to the ground, and on her hands and knees, with her knife she scraped the skin side. It took nearly an hour to get it as smooth as she wanted it. As she worked, she noticed Thunder Horse and Wind In His Hair walking towards the woods with their bows. Yellow Flower, Dove Feather, and Silver Shield followed along behind them. Stands felt the sudden sting of jealousy, but she continued working. She strung the blanket up and went to find her horsehair brushes and dyes. She knew exactly how she wanted to decorate the skin side of the blanket, with a picture of Thunder Horse's pony, and dark storm clouds behind. Hours later as she was putting on the finishing touches, Stands looked up to find Black Shawl and Pretty Shield admiring her work. The two older women studied it intently as Stands waited for their reaction. She finally dared to breathe when Pretty Shield, the chief's wife, gave an approving smile.

"You have a real gift dear! It is beautiful. Thunder Horse will treasure it!" Stands was suddenly embarrassed.

"How did you know it was for Thunder Horse?" She wanted to know.

"It's his horse, and…It is obvious." Pretty Shield stated, but her tone was all-knowing. Stands wondered if the two women had been discussing her situation. The two older women left Stands to finish up. Fortunately, the dye soaked right into the skin and it didn't take long at all to dry. She made her mark in the bottom corner. It was the same mark that she put on every blanket that she made, a crescent moon.

Thunder Horse was still out when she placed the blanket inside his lodge. He had used one of the two bladders that she had filled the day before, so she took the empty one and took stock of his wood supply. He would need half a bundle. Two of her father's bladders needed to be filled and they had used nearly half of the wood that she had gathered yesterday. Two slings of wood should be enough to supply both lodges.

After she had fetched the water and wood, she took a basket and went to look for berries, which she divided into a small bowl for Thunder Horse, and a larger bowl for Kicking Bird and his family. She finally sat down to rest under a shade tree and immediately Kicking Bird's youngest daughter fell into her lap, begging to have her hair braided. Stands was happy to do this. Sitting there, she witnessed Thunder Horse and Wind In His Hair triumphantly return with a young buck hanging from a pole between them. The girls, looking frustrated, disappointed, and completely ignored trailed along behind them, not nearly as happy as when they had passed by earlier. Stands was amused. She didn't bear the girls ill will, but Kicking Bird had been right all along, It was Thunder Horse that she wanted for herself. She only hoped that her father was right about this as well. Her greatest fear was that some other girl would lay with Thunder Horse beneath the blanket that she so lovingly made for him.

From where she sat, Stands went unnoticed as she watched the two warriors dress the buck. They divided the meat, and Thunder Horse hung the hide out to dry. They had chased the girls away by pretending to throw the bloody scraps on them, and Stands enjoyed the sound of their male voices as they recounted the hunt. When they finished, Thunder Horse went into his lodge and came back out carrying the filled bladders of water. He was no longer smiling. He handed one of the bladders to Wind In His Hair, and he used the other to wash his hands and his knife.

"You look troubled, my friend. What is wrong?" She heard Wind In His Hair ask.

"For two days, someone has entered my lodge when I was not home. They have filled my bladders with water and stocked my wood pile. Today, they also left berries, and this." Thunder reached inside and pulled out the buffalo skin. He held it up and both men marveled over the quality of the design.

"You don't have any idea who left this?" Thunder Horse's friend asked.

"No idea whatsoever. It is beautiful!" He proclaimed as a smile returned to his lips.

"The person who made this for you must really care for you. It took much work to create such detail. I have never seen a finer blanket!" Thunder Horse put the blanket back inside his lodge and he and his friend carried the excess meat to the storehouse.

[7]

Stands waited for Thunder Horse to leave again the next morning before she made her way to his lodge to get his bladders. When she entered the lodge, she found the empty bladders on the floor under a package wrapped in a piece of buckskin. She carefully unwrapped the gift to find a beautiful strand of beads. A huge smile spread across her face as she held the strand to her heart before slipping it over her head. She went about her chores, never noticing that someone was watching her.

[8]

"You are sure of this? Stands With A Fist?" Thunder Horse questioned his friend.

"I saw her with my own two eyes! I swear." Wind In His Hair placed a hand over his naked chest to swear his oath. Thunder Horse walked quickly in the direction of his lodge. The first thing he noticed was that the deerskin that he had hung the night before was missing. He turned to face his friend who had followed.

"Did you see her take it?" He asked. His friend shrugged his shoulders and then nodded his head. Thunder Horse looked inside his lodge to find it fully stocked. Beside the fresh bowl of berries was a loaf of flat bread. Thunder Horse smiled, but was stern faced again when he looked at his friend. Without saying a word, he walked towards Kicking Bird's lodge. He stopped to speak to Kicking Bird's young son.

"Where is Stands With A Fist?" He asked. The young boy pointed in the direction of the river. Thunder Horse walked with a steady and deliberate gait in the direction that the boy indicated. Wind In His Hair fell behind and let him go on alone.

As he approached the river he crouched down, sneaking quietly through the tall grass like the excellent warrior that he was. He heard hear humming a song as he got closer. He stopped moving when he finally saw her. She was wading in the water, enjoying the coolness on her feet. He watched her as she sat down on a large flat boulder in the middle of the stream. Her hand moved to the necklace and he smiled. He wondered how he had not thought of her before. She was beautiful, unique, and perfect. Boldly, he stepped out of the grass and she saw him. She looked startled. His stare penetrated her and she could barely breathe. He stepped into the water and made his way towards her without ever taking his eyes from hers. Her heart was pounding and she considered trying to run away, but she couldn't move. He stopped in front of her and she could not help but lower her eyes. She could feel herself trembling. He reached up and fingered the beads around her neck and she knew that he knew.

"Did you take my deerskin?" He finally asked. She was confused that he would mention that before anything else. Was he angry?

"Yes." She admitted guiltily.

"Why?" He asked.

"To make you buckskin leggings for the winter." She answered meekly. He considered this and smiled.

"Are you as skilled at sewing as you are at making blankets?" She blushed and smiled back.

"Then I will be a well-dressed warrior." There was silence except for the rolling river and the sound of a passing flock of geese. "And a most fortunate husband." Stands looked up at him, not sure that she heard him correctly. He stepped closer and laid her gently back against the rock. He pressed his body against hers and tenderly they shared her first kiss. She cautiously wrapped her arms around his neck and stroked his hair as the kiss deepened. Her heart was pounding and her head was spinning, but everything ground to a halt when he moved to slide his hand between her knees.

"No!" She cried.

"Why?" He asked, still holding her bottom lip gently between his teeth. He had already suggested that they would be wed, so she struggled to find a reason that he would accept.

"Are you saving this for the marriage bed?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Good. I will wait then." He kissed her neck. "You will be mine. Now or later, it makes no difference." He whispered into her ear before using the rock to push himself off of her and then he extended his hand. She took it and he pulled her gently to her feet. Once on the shore, he knelt to dry her feet on his apron before slipping them back into her boots. He took her hand again and they walked together back towards her father's lodge.

"I like the way that you take care of me. Will you stop now that you have won my heart?" He asked.

"No. I will be a good wife to you always." She promised.

"I know that you will be. I've seen you with Black Shawl's children. You will be a good mother to my children." Stands blushed at the thought of having babies with him.

"I will make my offer to Kicking Bird tomorrow. If he accepts, we will be married right away."

"I would like that." She replied softly. As they reached the edge of the tall grass, he stopped walking and pulled her into his arms. They kissed and then he held her tight to his chest.

"I will be a good husband and provider for you and our children. You will be the wife of my heart." She squeezed him tightly as her heart soared.

"I am yours." He promised, then he released her to return to her father's lodge.


	2. Chapter 2

[9]

Black Shawl and Kicking Bird looked up when Stands walked into the lodge. She was out of breath and practically glowing, with a big smile on her face, that she immediately tried to hide when she saw them. She joined them around the fire in the center of the lodge.

"I didn't think that you would make it back in time to eat." Black Shawl scolded.

"I'm sorry." She said, waiting as Black Shawl filled her dish. "I lost track of time."

"How was your day?" Kicking Bird asked. "Did you finish your blanket?"

"Oh yes, I finished it yesterday." She took the plate of food from Black Shawl and sat down. She watched the children as they played beside her.

"It was a beautiful blanket." Black Shawl admitted.

"And did you find someone to give it to?" He asked.

"Yes." She smiled to herself.

"Good." Kicking Bird seemed pleased with himself. He was even more pleased the next day when he stepped outside his lodge to find Thunder Horse leaving his offer for Stands' hand. The men did not speak, but they did make eye contact. Kicking Bird walked away towards Stone Calf's lodge, waiting until he was out of sight before cracking a smile. Of course he would accept Thunder Horse's offer, but it wouldn't hurt to let him sweat it out for a little while.

[10]

Thunder Horse tied three of his best ponies outside Kicking Bird's lodge. He would offer his prized pinto if this offer was not acceptable, but he hated to part with it. He also left a pipe, a knife, and a quiver of arrows. As he was depositing the last of it, Stands appeared. He thought she was beautiful, even though she had not slept a wink all night.

"Are you going for water?" He asked her nervously.

"We have plenty," she replied, "Do you need some?"

"No." He admitted. She nodded in understanding.

"We do need wood though." She said suddenly.

"I'll go with you then, I thought I saw a mountain lion in the woods earlier." He lied. Stands smiled knowingly. I'll just get the sling then. She stepped back inside and came right back out. Together they walked down the path towards the woods. Once they were out of sight, they began their courtship dance. As they walked side by side, Thunder Horse pretended to walk too close, causing his shoulder to brush hers. He apologized, and then she pretended to stumble, forcing him to catch her. Every few steps their bodies touched as if they were drawn to each other magnetically. Once they reached the edge of the forest, they danced around the tall pines. Thunder Horse tried to dodge the trees to stay by her side, while Stands playfully tried to keep the trees between them. The job of gathering wood was forgotten, replaced by this slow motion chase that was made more intense by the morning mist off the river that seeped into the tree line. Stands walked around a tree, and suddenly Thunder Horse circled around the other side to cut her off. She doubled back around and it began again. He could have caught her at any time, but he knew this dance. He listened as her breathing grew more and more labored, not from exhaustion, but from arousal. The fog closed in and several times he lost sight of her only to see her again. She darted around the next tree to the left and he went around to the right, catching her around the waist and pulling her down to the carpet of pine needles that blanked the forest floor. They kissed feverously, clinging to each other. He felt her heart beating like the heart of a frightened rabbit. He tugged at the cord that held her dress in place, and pulled down the neck to reveal her breast.

"You make it so hard to be good." He gasped before taking her nipple into his mouth. She groaned loudly and arched her back. Excitement and fear coursed through her body. She had only been kissed for the first time yesterday, but she had often listened to the sounds of Kicking Bird and Black Shawl in the throws of passion. She had never even imagined it would be like this. Every sensation was new to her and she had no idea the extent of it. How far was too far? As his teeth sunk into her flesh, she felt both pleasure and pain, and the melding of two completely opposite sensations disoriented her. She didn't care about anything anymore, she just didn't want this to ever end. She became aware of an aching in her loins, followed by frustration as he stopped cold. She was still beneath him, waiting for him to do or say something. He only groaned, and reluctantly covered her breast with her dress, and retied the cord. Finally he spoke.

"I could take you. Right here. Right now." He said with confidence. "Already you have surrendered it. I want you. I want you so much…but your way is better. Soon you will be my wife and I will not stop."

"Please!" She begged him.

"Hush my beautiful flower," He whispered against her cheek as he traced her lips with his thumb. "I promise that you won't have to wait much longer."

"I love you." She sighed. He smiled. They lay there together on their bed of pine needles until Stands, still tired from a sleepless night, finally drifted off to sleep. He watched her for several moments in wonder at her beauty, and then he untangled himself from her. Not caring that it was considered women's work, he went about gathering two bundles of fire wood, never taking his eyes off her for very long. When that was done, he returned to her side just as a gentle rain began to fall. He knelt beside her and for a moment allowed the palm of his hand to rest on her flat stomach. He imagined his children growing inside her and his heart swelled. He looked up to the sky and gave thanks to the great spirit for sending him this woman.

"Stands With A Fist, you must wake now." He gently roused her. She sat up and he lovingly plucked the pine needles from her hair and brushed off her dress.

"Come on sleepy head. It is beginning to rain."

"I have to get…" She stopped talking when she noticed the two bundles that he picked up and tossed over his shoulder as easily as if they were bags of feathers.  
>"I'm sorry." She said. He smiled<p>

"You take care of me, and I'll take care of you." Stands rose to her feet and followed him out of the woods. When they reached Kicking Bird's lodge, the rain was coming down harder, but they could see that Kicking Bird had accepted Thunder Horse's offer. They looked at each other and smiled. He kissed her gently on her forehead and then passed her one of the bundles of wood.

"Soon." He promised, "Now get inside before this wood gets too damp and you drown." She stepped inside, but watched from the door as he took off running toward his own lodge. The rain began to pour. She thought it fitting that just as he disappeared from view, a loud clap of thunder made the ground rumble.

"Come inside and close the door." She heard Kicking Bird call from inside. Like an obedient daughter, she did as she was told.


	3. Chapter 3

[11]

The rain fell hard for three days. Stands longed to see Thunder Horse, but Black Shawl and the children kept her busy in the lodge. On the second day, Black Shawl slipped out to the lean-to and returned carrying a bundle. She called Stands over as she began to unwrap it.

"I'm sorry that we haven't made a wedding costume for you. You will have to wear mine." Stands looked on in awe as Black Shawl unfolded the bleached doeskin tunic and leggings. The brilliant turquoise beading contrasted sharply on the soft white. Stands was old enough to remember when Kicking Bird and Black Shawl were married just ten years earlier. She thought that Black Shawl made a beautiful bride and she knew that she would wear her costume with pride.

"You would let me wear it?" She asked in disbelief.

"Yes. You were Kicking Bird's daughter since he found you wandering the prairie many years ago, but you have also been like a daughter to me. I am proud of your match with Thunder Horse. This I will pass to you as my mother once passed it to me. One day perhaps you will pass it on to your own daughter." Black Shawl answered tenderly. All of this surprised Stands. Black Shawl was not one to let her emotions show.

"It is a great honor for me." Stands said, trying not to cry.

"Come now," Black Shawl said, "The Earth does not need our tears today." She handed the bundle to Stands and then shoed her away.

"You will want to make sure that it fits."

[12]

When the rain broke on the third day, Kicking Bird stepped outside to see Thunder Horse heading his way. Most likely he was not coming to see his bride's father, but Kicking Bird thought it was a good time for them to talk. He met Thunder Horse halfway.

"Thunder Horse, let us ride." Reluctantly, but respectfully, the young man nodded and followed Kicking bird to the ponies.

[13]

News spread through the camp like wild fire. At mid-day, five married women, all friends of Black Shawl, came to Kicking Bird's lodge. With Black Shawl in toe, they escorted Stands With A Fist to the river where they helped her to bathe. The women took turns keeping watch for men-folk. As they went about their business, the women educated Stands on her duties as a Sioux wife, and they described in painful detail what she should expect on her wedding night. Horrified, she listened to the women recount their own experiences. By the time they were finished, Stands was terrified. They dressed her in Black Shawl's wedding suit, and the other women gave her gifts of jewelry to wear. When they returned to the lodge the women lit incense and chanted blessings over the union, while they waited for Kicking Bird to return.

[14]

As Kicking Bird and Thunder Horse arrived back in camp, they were met by Lone Tree, Yellow Flower's father. He was not happy.

"Kicking Bird, you must not let this man marry your daughter! He took advantage of my precious Yellow Flower. He tricked her by promising that he would marry her, and now he has tossed her aside to marry Stands With A Fist, a white woman!" He accused.

"I never touched your daughter, and I made no such promise to her. I swear on my honor what you say is not true!" Thunder Horse insisted.

"Thunder Horse speaks the truth!" Wind In His Hair stepped forward. "He was never to be alone with Yellow Flower. " A crowd began to gather around them.

"I'm telling you what Yellow Flower told me. I do not wish to accuse you falsely. My Yellow Flower would make a fine wife. How could you choose a white woman over one of your own people?" He asked.

"Stands With A Fist is my daughter, and her heart has always been with the people." Kicking Bird defended.

"She is Sioux. That is all I have to say on the matter." Chief Grey Wolf added, putting a stop to any further discussion on the subject. His word was law. Lone Tree went silent and hung his head. He had heard the rumors about his daughter, and they were probably true, but the rumors alone meant that she would likely never find a husband. Thunder Horse was his last hope.

"I am sorry Thunder Horse. I did not want to believe that you would do the things that my daughter accused you of." Lone Tree left them on the path.

"Are you going to wear that to your wedding?" Grey Wolf asked, looking at Thunder Horse's dusty loin cloth.

"I should change." He realized.

"Yes, and you should hurry." Kicking Bird grinned.

"I'll go with you." Wind In His Hair slapped him on the shoulder and they headed off in the direction of Thunder Horse's lodge. He heard the laughter of the other men at his back.

[15]

The entire camp showed up for the wedding. Stands With A Fist walked gracefully beside her father, as was customary. They were followed by Black Shawl and her children, and behind them, the rest of the camp fell in. The young girls who had hoped to be standing in Stands' moccasins on this day melted into the crowd and tried to hide their disappointment. One of them was plotting revenge.

The entourage came to a stop outside of Thunder Horse's lodge. He threw open the flap and stepped out with Wind in His Hair close behind him. Stands looked so beautiful in the white wedding tunic and leggings trimmed in turquoise beadwork, and the matching moccasins. When she smiled at him it took his breath away. His heart began to pound in his chest.

Kicking Bird began with the traditional greeting.

"It is a good day for me."

"And also for me." Thunder Horse said.

"If you wish to marry this man, take his hands in your hands." Kicking Bird said to his daughter. Stands stepped forward and took Thunder Horse's hands. The ceremony was quite short, and when it had been completed, Kicking Bird pronounced them married. All of the people began whooping and dancing as the couple moved into their lodge. Thunder Horse pulled the flap closed behind them. The celebration would continue throughout the night as their friends and family moved on to the tribal circle to eat, drink and dance in honor of the new couple.

[16]

Stands nervously looked around the interior of her new home. She noticed right away that a pallet had been placed by the fire and the blanket she had made had been placed upon it. She knew that Thunder Horse was standing behind her, but she nearly jumped out of her skin when he placed his palm on the small of her back.

"Are you nervous?" He asked, surprised at her jumpiness. She shrugged. He couldn't see her face, so he walked around in front of her.

"Are you afraid?" She nodded.

"What happened? You weren't afraid the other morning in the woods." She hesitated.

"I spent my day with a group married women in the tribe. " He rolled his eyes and threw up his hands.

"What did they tell you?" He asked.

"They told me stories about their wedding nights."

"And? What specifically did they say?" She blushed at the thought of having to repeat it, but as soon as she started it just came pouring out.

"They said that you would do things to me….things that I don't even understand how it is possible to do, and they said that it was my duty as your wife to let you do them. They said that it would be unbearably painful, and that even though it would feel like it, it wouldn't really kill me. Black Crow's wife said it would be helpful if I could just go somewhere else in my head. She said that she plans her family's meals when she is with her husband." His jaw dropped and he stared at her in horror as she continued.

"I've seen boys, Kicking Bird's sons, but they said yours would be big like a horse." Thunder Horse could not hold in his laughter. He covered his mouth with his hand, and fell down onto their pallet.

"Come and sit beside me wife." He patted the blanket beside him, but she just stood there staring.

"Have I ever hurt you?" He asked.

"No." She admitted.

"Do you think that I would ever want to hurt you?" He reasoned. She shook her head.

"Don't listen to what they said. I want you to trust me. Do you trust me?"

"I do." She said honestly. He smiled and then patted the blanket again. She walked over to her husband and he welcomed her beside him. He thought for a moment before he began to speak. "Tonight, we will go on a journey, just you and me. " He took her right foot into his lap and began to unlace her moccasin. "The Journey will be exciting, filled with wonder and surprise." He pulled her boot off and then reached for her other foot. "You will experience things you have never known before…good things." He removed the other boot and sat it next to its mate, and then began to massage her small feet. "We can travel as fast or as slow as we want. There is no hurry." She began to succumb to his seduction, feeling her body relax she stared trancelike at his lips as he spoke.

"Like all journey's, ours has a destination. We will arrive there together. I won't leave you." He hypnotized her with his words as his hands gently undressed her. She didn't resist him.

"Will you go with me?"

"Yes!" she sighed. He gently laid her back on the pallet, the furry side of the buffalo hide caressed her back as he looked down at her from above. She slid her palms up his arms to his shoulders and he bent over her to kiss her tenderly. She wrapped her arms around him, and he slipped his tongue into her mouth.

"If you need me to slow down, you have only to ask." He told her. She felt his strong hands gently cup her breasts and she moaned. He sucked one nipple into his mouth and once again her breath was taken away by the coexistence of pleasure and pain.

"How?" she cried.

"How what?" he paused to ask.

"How are you touching me there and I feel it…" He smiled and moved his hand from one breast to place it over her sex.

"Here?" he asked. She moaned and arched her back instinctively. He slowly began to explore with his fingers, enjoying her body's response to his touch.

"Easy." he tried to calm her a little. "Am I hurting you?" He asked.

"No!" She cried when she could find the words.

"Is this horrible?" He smiled.

"No!" She repeated.

"Does it feel good?"

"Yes! Yes!" As he continued to stroke her he returned his attention to her breast. Stimulating both sensitive areas at once had the desired effect. He smiled at his own cleverness when after only a few moments she climaxed.

He moved to lie down beside her and he held her as the intensity of her passion faded.

"That is where we are going. Do you understand now?" He whispered in her ear. She nodded without opening her eyes as she tried to catch her breath. Thunder Horse stood slowly and shed his clothes. She opened her eyes and they locked onto his erection. He thought he saw a glimmer of fear return for just a moment, but it was gone. He eased down between her legs and she opened them wider.

"I will do my best not to hurt you unnecessarily, but I cannot promise that you won't feel pain. I promise it will be brief if you listen to me." He looked into her eyes and he felt her trust. She felt him press against her and her body tensed.

"Relax your body…breathe." He coached. She tried to do what he said and as he inched inside of her she dug her nails into his biceps. He watched her chest rise and fall as she began to pant.

"You'll feel the urge to resist, like a wild pony not yet broken. Your body will tense up. Try to relax and keep breathing. The pain won't last long if you don't fight it." He pushed deeper and she let out a deep throated moan. He mentally counted to three and then plunged through her defenses. Her body tensed up and she let out an anguished scream. He held on as she instinctively began to try to throw him off.

"Relax your body…breathe." He reminded her. She sobbed, but she tried to do as he said. When she was still, he just held her and stroked her hair.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. After several minutes she shifted beneath him.

"Oh!" She moaned against his shoulder. He smiled and decided to test the waters. He retreated just a little and then returned, then repeated the motion. Every time he buried himself inside her she moaned softly.

"Am I hurting you?" He asked, unsure if her moaning was caused by pleasure or pain. It took several moments for her to compose herself enough to answer him.

"Yes"

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No! Please don't." She begged. He smiled.

"So it's not unbearable then?"

"No…I'm alright."

"Let us continue on our journey then."

ln no time at all, the pain was forgotten and Stands was lost in a delicious pleasure of her husband's making. He continued to coax and coach her until they were at last, moving as one. She didn't lay there like a dead fish. He knew exactly where her mind was, and it wasn't on preparing the morning meal. She was right there with him nearing the end of their journey.

"Oh! I'm almost there!" She cried out quite suddenly.

"Don't worry…I'm right here with you." He assured her, and she let herself go. True to his word, he was right behind her.

They lay still together, listening to the distant sounds of drums. The fire in the center of the lodge cast shadows on the walls all around them.

"I love you." She finally said.

"And I love you…wife. " He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. "I'm glad you survived the journey." He teased.

"When can we go again?" She asked. He laughed out loud.

"We will take the journey many times, but first I need to rest."


	4. Chapter 4

[17]

A sleepy Stands protested as she was suddenly thrust out into the cold. Goosebumps sprung up all over her naked body instantly. She grabbed for the blanket, but her husband held onto it tightly. She punched at his shoulder.

"You're stealing all the covers and the fire's gone out!" She growled.  
>"I put the last of the wood on last night. There is a sling hanging over there." He stuck a finger out of the covers and pointed to the wall.<p>

"You don't expect me to go out there in my wedding tunic do you?" She asked appalled.

"You ARE the wife." He reminded her.

"What happened to 'You look after me and I'll look after you?'" She argued. He shrugged.

"You're out of water too. I guess you expect me to get water as well."

"Sure, that would be great."

"You weren't exactly prepared for guests." She accused.

"You're not a guest. You live here now." He answered from beneath the warm blanket.

"It would have been nice if you had thought about it though."

"It rained for 3 days, then your father drug me off to the prairie for the whole afternoon…I didn't have time." He laughed.

"I'm seriously freezing out here. If you don't let me under the blanket, something might just fall off."

"As long as it's not something I like." She stared at his back, not knowing if he was kidding or if he seriously expected her to do chores now. He solved her dilemma by rolling over on top of her.

"What changed your mind?" She asked.

"I decided that I like everything." He pulled the blanket over their heads and he nuzzled her cold neck.

"I don't know where you expect me to find dry wood after the rain we just had." She complained.

"You could go borrow some from Kicking Bird." Her husband suggested.

"One day married and now I'm a beggar. I thought you said you would be a good provider." She showed that she could also play his game.

"I am! We have a storehouse of food. It doesn't do us much good though without fire wood to cook it, and that is your job." She bit his shoulder.

"Ouch!" They both laughed.

"Are you warm enough now princess?" He teased.

"Almost." She shivered.

"I know how to heat you up." He whispered suggestively.

"Yes, you're doing a pretty good job of it now." She moaned as he filled her.

"Ah…so I've found one of your wifely duties that you're not complaining about." He grinned.

"No, I like this one." She admitted.

"Planning what you're going to fix for dinner without a fire?" he asked.

"No…I'm afraid we will just have to starve, or freeze to death." She teased, actively participating in their playful lovemaking. "They'll find us when they strike the camp for winter, naked, frozen together like this." They laughed.

"At least we'll be smiling." They kissed.

"You feel so good." He spoke softly, propping himself up on his arms as they continued to move together. She forgot their game, and lost herself instead in the warm furry buffalo skin cocoon that made up their little world. In complete darkness, she explored his smooth muscular skin with her fingertips, marveling at the strength in his arms and his chest. His long coarse hair slipped over his shoulder and wisped along the valley between her breasts like a feather.

"Oh Please!" she cried out, barely able to breathe. He responded by loving her harder and faster. She matched him move for move as if she had been born doing this.

"Thunder Horse." She sighed.

"Yes love." He whispered as she melted in his arms.

[18]

Kicking Bird sat outside the door of his lodge with Stone Calf, speculating on when Grey Wolf would announce that they would be moving to the winter camp. Suddenly, they heard a noise that made both men stop talking and look up the path. Stands in her wedding white, laughed joyously as she ran toward them. Her new husband was close behind. It looked like they were racing each other, and he was obviously letting her win. She turned to look over her shoulder and then squealed as Thunder Horse caught her around the waist. He picked her off her feet and spun around in circles before setting her feet back on the ground. He looked up to see the two silent men watching them from just a few feet away. Immediately the newlyweds acknowledged the presence of others in their world, and tried to put on serious faces.

"I didn't expect to see you two this soon." Kicking Bird stated. Stands held up the bladders in each of her hands, and tried to catch her breath.

"We ran out of water and wood, and I need to get the rest of my clothes. May I go inside?" She asked.

"You may be married now, but you are always welcome here." Kicking Bird said. Stands handed the bladders to her husband and stepped inside the lodge.

"So how do you like married life so far?" Stone Calf asked. Thunder Horse tried to think of how best to answer that in front of his father in law. He could not keep from smiling.

"I guess I like it just fine." He admitted.  
>"So it was a good match?" Stone Calf continued. Kicking Bird was stone faced on the outside, but laughing on the inside.<p>

"Yes, I have no complaints." Stands stepped out of the lodge wearing her everyday tunic and moccasins.

"Except that she let me run out of water and wood." He teased. Stands looked at each of the men in turn.

"That's funny, this morning you were blaming it on my father for keeping you out on the prairie all day." She countered. She took the bladders from his hands and ran down the path to the river. Thunder Horse looked at Kicking Bird who stared back with a raised eyebrow.

"She is kidding." He said, and turned to run after his wife. Once they were out of sight, the two older men looked at each other and smiled.

"To be young and in love..." Stone Calf said shaking his head.


	5. Chapter 5

[19]

The days passed slowly as Thunder Horse and Stands With a Fist began to build a life together. They were happy working by day, and loving each other by night. The rest of the village shared in their good fortune. Food was plentiful and their store houses were full. Relationships with neighboring tribes were sometimes strained, but not violent. The weather turned warm again, which delayed the move to the winter camp by several weeks, but finally November arrived and brought with it the cold. By mid-November it was there to stay, and the air carried on it, the scent of the coming snow. On Grey Wolf's decree, they began the process of breaking camp. Stands helped Black Shawl disassemble Kicking Bird's lodge, and then she returned the favor by helping Stands to take down Thunder Horse's lodge. That difficult task was always left for the women, as was the task of assembling the tipi when they reached their winter home. In just a few hours, the entire camp was broken down and loaded up. Thunder Horse lifted Stands onto her horse and then he mounted the pinto. For part of the journey, he rode by her side, but often he would ride ahead with Wind In His Hair and the other warriors, to scout the path ahead.

Snow began to fall as they arrived in the valley where they would spend the next five months. Thunder helped to bury the poles of the lodge into the frozen ground, and then he left Stands to cover them with the walls. Moving was hard work and they all would be exhausted when it was finally time to lay down their heads. With the walls up, Stands carried their belongings inside and arranged them as they had been before. There were several more blankets than before since hunting had been very good. When everything was in place, she went to the stream to collect water. Thunder and the other men busied themselves with cutting down trees to create a stockpile of wood. When Stands returned to the lodge, she found that her husband had dropped off enough wood for several days. She hung up the bladders of water and built a fire, then opened the flaps to allow the smoke to escape out the top of the lodge. Thunder came in then and pulled the door flap closed to discourage visitors from just barging in.

"I am glad you have the fire lit." He said, "I am cold and hungry."

"I haven't started the meal yet, but it won't take long." She smiled.

"You look tired too. Are you alright?"

"Yes. Moving is hard work. Before we married, there was Black Shawl and the children to help. It is different when there is only one."

"You did a great job by yourself." He said looking around. He took his pipe from where it hung and went over to sit on their pallet by the fire.

"Thank you. We will sleep good tonight." She answered. Using her knife and a wooden tray, she chopped buffalo meat into cubes and threaded them onto an iron skewer which she mounted on two 'Y' shaped poles, suspending the meat over the open flames. Thunder watched her as he smoked his pipe.

"Have I told you today that you're beautiful?" He asked suddenly. Stands looked over her shoulder at him and smiled.

"I am a mess."

"You are a good wife Stands. I said that I would be a fortunate husband, but even I never imagined that you would make me so happy." She crawled over to him and curled up in his lap.

"My heart is full." She said softly then they kissed. After a few minutes, she left him to turn the meat on the spit.

"Do you feel like taking a journey after dinner?" He asked suggestively.

"I'm sorry, I can't tonight…I have company. " He understood that to mean that it was her woman time.

"How long will your company stay?" He grinned.

"A few days. Perhaps a week." He grumbled his disappointment.

"If I can endure it, then you can." She assured him.

"What choice do I have?" He conceded.

"None." She answered.

Later that evening, Stands remembered something and went to rummage through a pile of things. When she located what she was looking for, she returned to her husband's side.

"I found this when we were packing today." She said, holding up a wooden flute. "Can you play it?"

"Yes, I play." He said, taking it from her.

"Would you play for me then?" She asked. He looked at her and smiled.

"I guess I might as well. What else is there to do?" Stands climbed into bed and Thunder Horse began to play a soothing melody. Even though she fell asleep after only ten minutes, he continued to play for almost an hour. He couldn't remember why he stopped playing. He used to enjoy it so. He was happy that his wife had found it. Finally, he laid the flute aside and pulled the blanket up over his shoulders. Tomorrow was going to be a very busy day. With everyone rested after the move, there was to be a dance to give thanks for the journey.

[20]

Several days later, Thunder Horse returned to his lodge one evening to find his wife standing inside the lodge naked. Without taking his eyes off of her beauty, he pulled the door flap closed behind him.

"Your visitor has left then?" He asked as she pulled him into her arms. She helped him out of his clothes without saying a word, and he sat back on the bed amused at the sudden aggressiveness of his wife. She climbed on top of him and kissed him hungrily.

"You want me?" He asked playfully, seeing full-well the desire in her eyes. "Then take me wife." he helped her to ease down on him. They had never made love in this position before and it felt awkward at first, but they quickly found a rhythm. Stands enjoyed the power that she felt, moving her body in this new way. Thunder marveled at her boldness, and he was hypnotized by the way the firelight played on her skin. He couldn't get enough of the feel of her flesh, allowing his hands to caress her back and her buttocks, her thighs and her breasts. She let her head loll backwards, exposing her long neck. He could not resist kissing her there. Suddenly she rode him with such wild abandon that it brought about her own release. She fell against him, gasping and trembling as her long hair cascaded over his face. He smiled to himself.

"You left me behind wife." He teased.

"I'm sorry." She sighed.

"That is alright. You'll just have to come back for me." He said rolling her over on her back and positioning himself above her. He began to move and she was immediately swept up in the moment again. This time, they reached their destination together.

[21]

Life in the winter camp was different from life in the summer camp. The people stayed inside more, especially the children. At night, they all would gather in the communal lodge to enjoy stories, and a meal together before returning to their homes for the night. Walking anywhere meant trudging through seven inches of snow. Because of their location in the valley, every warrior had to take his turn standing watch over the camp.

One evening in early January, when Thunder Horse was standing watch, Stands walked back to the lodge with Black Shawl and her children.

"May I talk to you about something?" Stands asked.

"Of course."

"I think that I am getting sick."

"What do you mean" Black Shawl asked curiously.

"I have not felt well in several days. It is my stomach…and I feel dizzy sometimes." Black Shawl smiled knowingly.

"When did you last have your woman time?" Black Shawl asked. Stands thought back.

"I had it when we arrived at the winter camp, and then…." Stands eyes widened and she looked at Black Shawl who was smiling back at her.

"That was two months ago." Black Shawl reminded her.

"A baby?" Stands asked in disbelief.

"You have all the signs. To be truthful, I suspected that you might be, but didn't want to ask. These things have a way of making themselves known in time."

"What do I do?" She asked Black Shawl, who with four children of her own, had much experience with such things.

"Take care of yourself. Tell your husband. Nature will do the rest." They parted and Stands eagerly entered her home to spend a sleepless night waiting for her husband to return.

[21]

When Stands opened her eyes, she realized that she was snuggled in the arms of her husband. His even breathing told her that he was still sleeping. She didn't want to move, but she knew she must. Quickly she jumped up and ran. She threw open the door flap and got her head out just fast enough to avoid throwing up inside. It was early morning, and it was snowing again.

In a moment he was by her side.

"Are you sick?" He asked. Worry was written all over his face as he felt her face for fever.

"I can't leave this here." She said, indicating the vomit on the snow outside the lodge.

"I'll take care of it. Get back in bed." He ordered, and she obeyed.

"I'm sorry."

"Hush. Get out of the cold." He slipped on his moccasins and stepped outside. The shovel that they used to clear the snow was nothing more than a hollowed out piece of log, but he used it to scrape the dirty snow into a pile, then he scooped it up and tossed it under some nearby trees. He returned to the lodge and pulled the door closed. He warmed himself by the fire before slipping back into bed.

"Should I go get someone to help you?" He asked.

"No, I will be fine." She assured.

"You look green, and you have not been yourself for several days. I am worried." He admitted, pulling her next to him. He slipped his arm under her head and brushed back her hair.

"I know what is wrong with me. I don't need anyone." She said, and he looked at her curiously.

"Then please tell me." He begged.

"Do you remember when we first came to the winter camp, I had my company?" She asked.

"Yes, I remember." He waited for her to continue.

"Well I have not been visited again since then." She said. He thought about this for a few moments, and then his eyes opened wide in surprise.

"A baby? Are you sure?" Stands smiled.

"I am sure." She laughed and he kissed her all over her head and held her close.

"Thank you! Oh, Thank you!" He repeated. Stands laughed.

"How long have you known?" He asked.

"I spoke with Black Shawl last night and she helped me to realize why I was feeling sick."

"Black Shawl knows? She will tell Kicking Bird!" He sounded disappointed.

"She won't tell. You can announce the news to the tribe whenever you want."

"Tonight! I will tell them tonight! This is a wonderful day for me! I'm going to be a father! Thank you!" Stands laughed at his excitement.

"You are welcome, but we did this together." She reminded him.

"But I am not the one who is sick." He spoke lovingly. She felt his warm strong hand on her stomach. He practically beamed with pride.

"How long have you been home?" She asked.

"Just a couple of hours. Not long." He answered. "Why?"

"I tried to wait up for you. I must have fallen asleep just before you came in. I'm still so tired. Can we just stay here together for a little while longer?"

"Yes. You rest here in my arms. I love you so much! I don't know if other men say that to their wives often, but I can't help it. If you hadn't made this blanket for me, I might have settled for Yellow Flower or one of the other girls…I never would have known happiness like this. Thank you for choosing me."

"You are a good husband, and a good provider, and you will be a wonderful father. I love you too." She snuggled up against his chest and closed her eyes. Thunder Horse was almost too excited to sleep, but eventually he drifted off as well. It was almost time for the gathering when he woke up to find his wife standing naked in front of the fire. When Stands turned and saw the hungry look in his eyes, she shook her finger at him.

"I'm dressing so don't you get any ideas." She laughed.

"We surely have time for a short journey, don't we?" He asked hopefully. He held back the covers to reveal himself, naked and fully aroused. She smiled and climbed back into bed.

[22]

That evening in the tribal tent, Thunder Horse helped his wife to find a seat then he went to get her some food. When he returned, Black Hawk called out a teasing remark. It was usually the wife's duty to wait on her husband, not the other way around.

"Are you going to chew her food for her as well?" Everyone laughed and Thunder Horse cut Black Hawk a warning glare. He took his place beside his wife and waited for the right opportunity to make his announcement. That time came a short while later.

"I have good news." He declared. When all attention was on him, he continued. "I am going to be a father!" Everyone cheered. The women all insisted that they knew all along, and the men congratulated Thunder Horse by cheering loudly, slapping his back, and complimenting his virility and masculinity, which Stands secretly found amusing. Kicking Bird got up and walked over to congratulate the couple, as did Wind in His Hair. Grey Wolf held up his hand and soon the lodge was silent.

"This is a very good sign for our people." He said. The subject of conversation then turned to stories of children, with everyone sharing their own memories. Stands and Thunder slipped out about an hour later and walked home together in the dark. It was snowing again.


	6. Chapter 6

[23]

Grey Wolf announced in mid-March that they would move the camp. The last snowfall had been almost a month passed, and the snow that had been on the ground melted more each day until it was almost gone. The night before the big move, Stands was trying to get comfortable in her pallet on the ground, but it was not easy. She dreaded the job of taking down the tipi in the morning and even more, the long ride on horseback to the Summer camp. Normally riding is not a problem, but Stands was now well into her pregnancy. She no longer felt sick to her stomach, but her body ached all over from the cold and the hard ground.

Beside her, Thunder Horse shifted restlessly.

"Stands, you must stop fidgeting and try to get some rest. Tomorrow is a busy day."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just ache all over, and I'm worried about tomorrow." She admitted. Thunder inched up next to her back and spooned her. He gently massaged her bare back, starting with her shoulders and working his way down her spine.

"Does that help?" He asked.

"Yes, thank you." She answered.

"I will help you with the tipi tomorrow." He stated. Stands was relieved but rolled her eyes, hidden from his view.

"I don't want to be a burden on you." She said.

"I said I would HELP you, not do it for you." He clarified and she nodded, relieved. Thunder reached around Stands and placed his palm on her bulging stomach. As soon as he did, the baby inside moved against his hand. Startled, he pulled back his hand and gasped. Stands was very still.

"Was that…?" He asked in a whisper.

"I think so." She said equally as soft. He put his hand back slowly and they waited quietly together for the baby to move again. Nothing happened at first, but then it happened again and they both were overjoyed.

"My son is strong." Thunder finally boasted.

"What if it is a girl?" Stands asked, concerned.

"Then she will be beautiful, like her mother." Stands placed her hand over his hand on her stomach.

After nearly an hour had passed, the two of them still lay awake, marveling at the miracle that their love had created. Thunder was growing drowsy and he yawned loudly.

"Tell the child to be still now so we can sleep." He said.

"You don't really think that is possible do you?" Stands laughed. Thunder moved down until his face was even with her expanding middle. Stands watched him curiously, and then smiled as he began to sing a soft lullaby while tenderly massaging her belly. Whatever he was doing, it was working. The baby moved less and less until eventually it was still. Thunder climbed back up beside Stands with a finger over his lips, indicating that she should be quiet. It was all Stands could do not to laugh. She thought her husband was both sweet and silly. Again he pulled her into his arms and nuzzled her neck.

"Close your eyes and sleep." He whispered into her ear, and then he sang her to sleep as well.

[24]

By mid-morning the camp was packed up. True to his word, Thunder had not embarrassed Stands by doing all the work himself. He did do the heavy lifting though, and she was guiltily grateful for his assistance. Everyone had begun mounting up to move out. Stands looked around for her husband, but he was nowhere to be found. She assumed that he was off somewhere with Wind in His Hair and some of the other warriors. His pony was missing, leaving only three other horses. Two were loaded down with their belongings, and the third would be her mount for the journey. Not wanting to be left to the back of the tribe, Stands decided to mount up on her own. She approached the side of the horse and reached up to grab two fists full of mane. Just as she would have pulled herself up onto the back of the animal she realized the likelihood of disaster. She was raised riding bareback, but had never mounted a horse in her condition and she felt awkward and clumsy.

"What are you doing?" She let go of the horse and turned to look up at her husband who sat astride his pony looking at her as if she had lost her mind.

"I'm trying not to get left behind." She admitted sheepishly. Thunder dismounted and walked over to her. He carefully picked her up and sat her on the horse.

"As if I would ever leave you." He mumbled and shook his head, walking back to his horse. After he mounted, he pulled up alongside her.

"If it becomes difficult to ride, let me know and we will walk a while, or you can ride with me." She nodded to indicate that she understood.

"How is my little one?" He placed his hand on her stomach.

"Pretty active this morning, but not so much right now." Just then the pack began to move forward.

"I will stay with you as much as I can, but the men will expect me to help protect the tribe and scout the trail. If I have to leave you, I want you to stay with Black Shawl. Don't fall behind. I'm trusting that you will let someone know if you are in distress." He urged.

"I will be fine." She promised. They began to move ahead.

[25]

For the first several miles, Stands rode between her husband and Black Shawl. She was enjoying the day. The sky was clear and bright blue with only a few thin clouds scattered about. When Wind in His Hair rode up and engaged Thunder Horse in a conversation, Stands began to think about the wonder of the life growing inside her. It seemed to her as if something had happened overnight. That beautiful moment when she first felt the baby move was like an awakening. She felt it all the time now, and she could finally understand the reality of what was happening. She was going to be a mother! She placed her hand on her own stomach and smiled.

"Are you alright?" Thunder Horse asked suddenly. She looked at him and smiled.

"We are fine! Don't worry so much." She scolded him. He smiled back and nodded. Just then Dove Feather rode up alongside Stands and greeted the couple.

"I must leave you for a while." He announced.

"Dove Feather, will you ride with my wife until I return?" He asked.

"Yes, of course." She answered. Thunder and Wind rode ahead to take their turn scouting the trail and left the two women behind.

[26]

"Thunder Horse is very happy since your wedding. I hope to find a husband who loves me like he loves you." Dove said.

"I am very lucky. Do you have any prospects?" Stands asked. She smiled when Dove blushed.

"I am quite fond of Red Elk, but he doesn't seem interested in me. He is not looking for a wife."

"May I give you some advice?" Stands asked.

"Yes, please."

"You know that Kicking Bird is a wise and holy man." Dove nodded in agreement.

"He gave me advice once, and because I followed it, Thunder Horse chose me for his wife. Perhaps you could try it and it will work the same for you with Red Elk."

"What should I do?" She asked, eager to learn. Stands told her the story of how she won Thunder's heart and Dove was encouraged. The two women bonded over conversations about courtship, marriage and babies. Dove promised to come spend time with Stands once they reached camp, to help make clothes for the baby. Stands was excited to have made a friend, and to have been able to share her wisdom with the younger woman. She only wished her back did not ache so.

[27]

"Are you feeling alright?" Dove asked when she noticed Stands massaging her back.

"Yes, my back just aches from riding." Stands answered. Black Shawl came alongside.

"We have several miles to go yet. I found it sometimes easier to walk when the back begins to ache." Black Shawl added.

"Yes, I think that would feel better." Stands agreed. The three women stopped and Dove and Black Shawl dismounted to help Stands down from her horse. The three women walked together. Riders moved to go around them. Not everyone had a horse to ride, so they were not the only people walking. Walkers usually ended up in the rear of the pack.

[28]

Thunder rode backwards through the pack, thinking about the information he had just received. The scouting party encountered a small group of Sioux from a different tribe who told them about a recent raid on their people by white men. There were many people dead because of the white man's gun, and the few whites who had lived among the people were rounded up and taken away. This made Thunder Horse fearful. It did not help matters when he encountered his wife's horse without its rider. He kept moving against the tide until he caught sight of the three women walking and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Stands, are you alright?" He asked when he reached them.

"Yes. My back hurt." She explained.

"Thank you both for staying with her. Can you ride now?" Stands shielded her eyes while looking up at him.

"Yes, I think so." Thunder hopped down and then lifted her up on his horse. He mounted behind her and waited until Black Shawl and Dove were back on their horses before he moved on.

"You need to stay in the middle of the pack. Do not wander off alone for a while." He said.

"Why? What is wrong?" She asked, seeing his concern.

"We met a group of our Sioux brothers on the prairie. Their tribe has suffered great losses at the hands of white men. If the white men find you living with the people, they will try to take you from me as they took away the whites who lived with our brothers." He was serious and very somber which only added to the feeling of panic that Stands felt welling up inside.

"Don't worry. I will not let that happen, but you must be careful not to wander off alone. Promise me."

"I promise. " After a moment, the seriousness passed and Thunder began to relax. She enjoyed riding with him and felt safe with his strong arms to protect her.

[29]

The tribe arrived at their summer home in the early evening and everyone immediately got busy setting up camp. Stands dug holes for the tipi poles and Thunder put them in place. Together, they covered it and began carrying in their belongings. Stands laid out their pallet, and took the bladders and wood sling to go get supplies for a fire. Thunder stopped her and took them from her.

"You have done enough today. Rest now and I will fetch the water and wood." He pointed to their bed.

"But I can…" She protested, refusing to let go of the bladders.

"I know you can, but I will." He said. Finally she gave in and let go.

"Tomorrow I will ask Dove Feather if she will go with you to the woods and to the river. I will feel better if you are not alone. For now though, I will do this. Remember what I told you." He warned. She nodded and he kissed her on the forehead.

"I love you." He said, and then he was gone.

Stands didn't want to admit it to her husband, but she was so glad to be able to lie down. It had been a long, exhausting day. She was asleep long before he returned.


	7. Chapter 7

[30]

Over the next few months, Dove and Stands became close friends. Every day, Dove would come to Thunder Horse's lodge and she and Stands would complete their chores together, first by walking to the river for water, then by walking to the edge of the forest to gather wood. At Stand's suggestion, Thunder had taken Red Elk under his wing and had encouraged him about the joys of married life and fatherhood. It was not long before the announcement was made that he was looking for a wife. Dove Feather found herself with a lot of competition, including Yellow Flower and Silver Shield. With Stands guidance she tried to remain hopeful.

One evening, Stands invited Dove to stay for dinner as they finished their work on tiny moccasins and a tunic for the baby. Thunder Horse, Red Elk and Wind came in and the five of them sat around the fire. Stands made a meaty stew with flat bread, which Dove served to the men.

"The difference between being single and having a good wife is that married men eat much better." Thunder observed. The other men agreed.

"Do you think Yellow Flower even knows how to cook?" Red Elk asked him. Dove's mood changed from nervous excitement to despair. Stands quickly made an excuse for the two of them to step outside.

When the women had gone, the men continued their conversation.

"Are you interested in Yellow Flower then?" Wind asked cautiously.

"Honestly, I think that Dove Feather would make a wonderful wife, but I feel that I have no other choice. I must choose Yellow Flower for my wife because I have lain with her." Red Elk admitted. Thunder and Wind looked at each other, and then at Red Elk with disappointment.

"How did that happen?" Thunder Horse asked.

"I woke up and she was standing there in my tipi…naked! It just happened. I have to marry her now. You said yourself Thunder, that a man must be honorable. How can I leave Yellow Feather to pay the price alone for what we did together? "

"Remember that she came to your bed and that she did so with intent to be bedded. You did not deflower her." Thunder Horse revealed.

"What are you saying?" Red Elk asked.

"I've bedded her myself many times." Both men turned to look at Wind in His Hair.

"What? I wasn't the first, and you won't be the last, even if you do marry her. That much is for certain." He announced.

"She would have had me for her husband if I had not the good sense to resist her." Thunder said, casting an admonishing glance at Wind in His Hair. Wind simply shrugged.

"What do you think I should do then?" Red Elk asked.

"A man must do what his own heart dictates." Thunder answered.

"It would not be wrong to choose Dove Feather?" Red Elk asked.

"The woman you choose will be your wife for life. She will be the mother to your children. Only a fool would choose a woman ill suited to keep his home and his children. Dove Feather has confided to my wife that she is interested in making a match with you." Thunder revealed. Wind slapped Red Elk on the back to congratulate him, as a smile spread across his face. All three men nodded, then nothing more was said on the subject.

[31]

"He loves Yellow Feather!" Dove cried into her hands. Stands looked with pity on her new young friend.

"You don't know that. He only mentioned her name. Have you done the things I told you to do?"

"No. I tried to go fetch his bladders to get water, but I got so scared. I ran away. Why do I feel so shy when I'm around him? I'm just not good at this like you are Stands." She continued to sob. Stands sat beside her on the old fallen log next to the river and placed her arm around Dove's shoulders.

"Don't give up hope. I will get Thunder to talk to him. Red Elk looks up to him." Stands explained.

The two women walked back up the path.

"Come by tomorrow and I will tell you what he says." Stands said as the two hugged and parted company.

[32]

The next morning, Dove stood outside the tipi flap calling inside to Stands.

"Good morning! Are you there?" Stands took their empty water bladders and stepped outside.

"Yes, I'm here." She said. Dove threw her arms around Stand's neck.

"Thank you! Thank you, and thank your husband too!" Dove cheerfully greeted.

"What has happened?" Stands asked when she was released.

"Red Elk has made my father an offer!" This time Stands grabbed Dove around the neck and the two women squealed excitedly.

"This will be so wonderful! The four of us will be great friends!" Stands promised. "There is no chance that your father will turn down the offer is there?"

"No! My father is very proud of the match!" Dove said, smiling.

"Then you will be married soon?" Stands asked.

"Not as quickly as you and Thunder Horse were married, but by the next new moon."

"Then we have much to talk about. You will be getting a lot of information about the wedding night. You should ignore all of it…" The two women continued to talk as they walked towards the river.

[33]

The camp was once again buzzing with news of a wedding. It was a happy time as Stands and Thunder began to prepare for the arrival of their baby as well. Already Stands and Dove had stored up a good selection of baby sized clothes, and Thunder had built a papoose frame and covered it in doe skin so that Stands would be able to carry the baby on her back. They were excited, and Stands was also apprehensive. She had been there for the birth of each of Black Shawl's babies, and she knew that it must be painful for the mother, but she remembered how quickly that pain was forgotten, so she prayed for the strength to do what she must do when the time came.

On the day before Dove's scheduled marriage to Red Elk, The two women met once again outside on the path to the river and they laughed and talked as they went about their daily routine. Neither of them suspected how quickly everything would change.

[34]

Just like every other day, the two women continued their conversation as Stands waddled over to the river's edge and bent carefully at the waist to fill her water bladders. Dove sat on the fallen log and waited for her turn. This time however something terrible happened. The rocks shifted beneath Stands' feet, sending her head first into the river. She cried out, startling Dove who had been daydreaming about Red Elk. Dove jumped up and dropped her bladders on the ground by the log and she rushed to help her friend.

"Stands! Are you alright? Here, take my hand!" Dove shoved her hand out to Stands who sat in the knee deep water holding her stomach.

"Dove, I need you to go get help. Find Black Shawl or Thunder." Dove looked at the terror in Stands' face and took off running down the path. Stands rubbed her belly and hummed soothing songs as she prayed that no harm had been done. She tried to calm her pounding heart as she waited for help to come. Suddenly she was struck by panic as she spotted a grey wolf watching her intently from the other side of the river. The thoughts raced through her mind…"Got to get up….Why is it taking so long for Dove to get help?" Stands rose to her feet, never taking her eyes off of the wolf, who had not taken its eyes off of her. Cautiously she began walking back towards the edge of the river. As she stepped up on the rocks, her foot slipped and she went down hard on her knees. She screamed, as pain ripped through her body and blood began to spread across the front of her tunic. The white-footed grey wolf paced back and forth on the opposite side of the river, and then it threw back its head and howled.

[35]

Thunder heard the scream just moments before he heard the howling of a wolf. Something was not right. He took off running towards the river, leaving Red Elk and Wind in His Hair behind. A few moments later, Thunder's warrior call pierced the air and they took off running with weapons drawn.

Thunder found Dove Feather in the tall grass beside the path to the river. She was dead, her head beaten in by a large rock. He found his wife in a heap on the side of the river, soaking wet and sobbing uncontrollably. The source of the howl, a grey wolf looked him in the eye and then dashed away. He picked her up and saw the blood on the front of her tunic.

"What happened?" He demanded.

"I slipped on the rocks and fell in. I sent Dove for help."

"Dove is dead!" He told her. Stands looked at him in disbelief.

"What…?" She asked, and then the pain over took her again. She passed out in her husband's arms as he ran past Wind in his hair and Red Elk, and the body of Dove Feather.

[36]

Black Shawl ushered him into Kicking Bird's lodge and then she sent her oldest daughter to get the mid-wife.

"Is she going to be alright?" Thunder asked, worried.

"I don't know. You can't be in here. You must wait outside." Thunder reluctantly stepped back outside, just as Red Elk arrived with Dove Feather's lifeless body. Her mother was inconsolable. Wind in His Hair pulled Thunder Horse and Kicking Bird aside.

"This was no accident. Dove Feather was beaten in the head with a rock." Thunder Horse nodded in agreement.

"The rocks by the river were loosened and there is something slippery on them. I think it is grease." Wind revealed and Thunder stared at him in disbelief. The men ran to the river and Wind pointed out the evidence.

"Who would do this?" They wondered.

[37]

Word passed through the camp that the women were viciously attacked by someone who meant them harm. Everyone was talking about it. Rumors said that it must have been the Utes or the Pawnee, or perhaps even white hunters. Women kept their children inside and the men had armed themselves.

Thunder paced outside of Kicking Bird's lodge while the mid-wife, Pretty Shield and Black Shawl tended to his wife. The sounds of her screams were like arrows shooting through his flesh. Suddenly the screaming stopped and he waited for a sign that everything was going to be alright. Kicking Bird and Wind in His Hair waited beside him. Finally, the tipi flap was thrown open and a blood soaked Black Shawl stepped out. She carried a small bundle wrapped in a blanket, and she placed it in Thunder Horse's hands.

"I'm sorry. We could not save her." Thunder Horse looked down and understood that he was holding the lifeless body of his daughter.

"Stands?" He asked suddenly. "Is she alright?" Fear was written on his face.

"Tend to your child. Stands will live. We will care for her until you return."

"I want to see her." He pleaded.

"She has been through so much. She needs to rest. Give her a little time." Thunder Horse took his daughter and walked back to his tipi, returning with the papoose on his back. He mounted his pony. Wind wanted to go with him but Kicking Bird held his arm.

"He must do this alone."

[38]

Thunder Horse rode out to the prairie. His heart was broken as he felt the weight of his beloved baby on his shoulders. After an hour on the trail he spotted a place where one tree stood alone. There he would give his daughter back to the earth. He dismounted and gathered enough wood to build a small funeral pyre. Then he opened the blanket and looked upon the face of his tiny daughter. Her features were perfectly formed and he marveled at her tiny fingers, her delicate lips, and her little toes and ears. After some time, he carefully wrapped her up and placed her on the fire. He wept. As the sun set in the west, he danced around the fire, chanting, praying, and crying. His wife was heavy on his heart. He pulled a stick from the fire and pressed the glowing end into the skin of his fore arm repeatedly, screaming out his anguish to the star-filled heavens. When he was drained of all his energy, he dropped to the ground and stared up at the moon. A lone wolf howled in the distance and Thunder closed his eyes. When dawn came, he woke up. He gathered the ashes and spread them around the base of the lonely tree and then he mounted his pony for the ride back to camp. He wasted no time, riding at full gallop to get to his wife's side.

[39]

Kicking Bird rode out to meet Thunder Horse as he returned.

"My wife! Is she alright?" Thunder Horse asked.

"She is changed. She does not cry. I am worried." Kicking Bird admitted. The two men went straight to Kicking Bird's lodge. There Thunder Horse found his wife lying wide-eyed on a blanket, not moving or making a sound. She did not respond to her husband's arrival, or to the sound of his voice. Her eyes were opened, but she looked straight ahead.

"Does she know?" He asked Black Shawl.

"I think she does. She has been like that since it happened. I think she is in shock."

Lovingly, Thunder lifted her into his arms.

"You should just let her rest." Black Shawl urged.

"She can rest in her own bed. I will care for her at home." He thanked Black Shawl and carried his wife down the path to their own home. Once there, he sat her upright on their bed. Her eyes were vacant. He knelt before her and tried to see her, but she was not there.

"Where have you gone?" He asked. Black Shawl appeared in the doorway.

"I haven't been able to get her to eat anything. If she doesn't eat, she will starve. "

"I will get her to eat." He said.

"If you need help, call me." She said before she turned to leave.

[40]

There was much sadness in the village that day. Thunder Horse had buried his daughter, and his wife had disappeared inside herself. Instead of celebrating her wedding, Dove Feather's family was mourning her death. Another Sioux woman lay dead in her bed, as of yet, undiscovered, for during the night, Lone Tree had taken his hunting knife and slit the throat of his precious Yellow Flower. After news had spread about the tragedy at the river, he finally understood why his daughter had insisted on catching the drippings from their dinner the night before, and why she had returned to his lodge covered in blood.


	8. Chapter 8

[41]

Thunder Horse needed Black Shawl often in the first few days. She came over several times a day to tend to Stands whose body was still healing from her ordeal. From Black Shawl, he also learned to cook the same hearty stew that Stands had been fond of making. It was the one thing that he could manage to get her to swallow. In the evening, after Black Shawl left to return to her home for the night, Thunder would lie next to his wife and play his flute. He hoped that it would show her the way back to him. He rarely left her side anymore and only Wind in His Hair came to visit every now and then. Three weeks passed with little change.

[42]

Black Shawl left the warmth of her tipi to brave the crisp fall morning air. She stopped outside of her daughter's home.

"Thunder Horse, Can I come in?" She asked, and then waited for his reply.

"Yes." Black Shawl opened the door flap and stepped inside. Thunder was already heating water on the fire.

"No change?" She asked him.

"No."

"Rain is coming. I think it will be bad." Black Shawl observed.

"Do not come out in the rain. Stay and tend to your own family. I am grateful to you for your help, but I can take care of my wife without you for a few days." Black Shawl nodded.

"What if she doesn't get better? Will you care for her from now on?"

"She is my wife. I do not mind caring for her. She will come back, you will see."

"Kicking Bird says that Grey Wolf will order that we strike camp early this year; after the harvest. He says that this land needs to heal. Perhaps a change in scenery will be what she needs."

"Perhaps." Thunder Horse agreed.

After Stands had been bathed, dressed and put back to bed, Thunder Horse spoke again.

"I need to get wood. Will you stay with her and start the meal? I will return soon and then you can go." Black Shawl nodded, and Thunder nodded back before he stepped outside. Black Shawl combed through Stands tangled hair and braided it in a single strand, tying it off with a strip of rawhide.

"You have a good husband Stands. He loves you, and misses you very much. He will not give up on you, I think. You should come back to him. He is hurting too, but he will not say it. We all miss you…" Black Shawl brushed her fingers gently across Stands' forehead.

When Thunder returned, Black Shawl was stirring the stew by the fire.

"You should go now. It is starting to rain." He announced. Black Shawl looked back at Stands and then rose to her feet. She walked over to where Thunder was stacking wood. He stopped to look at her.

"Your mother was a dear friend to me. She would be proud of you. Your father too would be very proud." She turned and left the tipi. He was surprised by her sudden mention of his parents who were both among the dead.

[43]

That night, after playing his flute to accompany the sound of falling rain, Thunder took his wife in his arm and he kissed her lips. She was lifeless. He held her tightly to his chest and he wept.

"Come back. Please, please come back to me! I miss you so much!" She did not respond. The rain fell all through the next day. Thunder and lightning made the ground rumble. Thunder Horse and Stands lay in bed together all day. He held her in his arms and stroked her hair, playing with the braid, trying to pretend that she was only sleeping. He hummed lullabies to her.

[44]

"Thunder Horse! It is Kicking Bird." Thunder opened his eyes. It was morning and the fire was almost out. He covered Stands and put more wood on the fire before going outside. Kicking Bird stood there waiting patiently.

"What is it?" Thunder asked, squinting against the bright morning sun.

"Grey Wolfed has summoned us. Will she be alright until we return?" Kicking Bird asked. Thunder considered it and then nodded.

"I'll be just a minute." Thunder dressed. He tucked his wife in tight, made sure the fire would not go out, and then he left to walk with Kicking Bird to the other side of camp. 

[45]

When they got to the old man's lodge, they announced themselves and waited to be invited inside. Since he was expecting them, they didn't have to wait long. Once inside, they sat around his fire. Grey Wolf had already taken out his pipe and he took a toke then passed it to Kicking Bird who took a turn then passed it to Thunder Horse.

"How is your wife?" Grey Wolf finally asked.

"There is no change. She is like a ghost." Thunder announced. The old man nodded sadly.

"It is a shame. So much tragedy has come to this land. Lone Tree left this morning. He said that he could no longer live among the people and bears the shame of what his daughter did. He did what he had to do, but he was a good man and I was sad to see him go. Kicking Bird, what kind of medicine do you recommend to heal this place?" The old man took his pipe back from Thunder Horse and smoked it.

"We should have a dance to rid the land of evil; A rite of cleansing." Grey Wolf nodded.

"That is a wise choice. We will plan that after the harvest, and then we will leave this land and move on to the winter camp early this year. Will your wife be able to make the journey?" Grey Wolf asked Thunder again.

"Yes, she will travel, but I will ride by her side." The chief nodded.

"You know we understand that your wife is dear to you, but I believe you must think about the future. If you choose, you may take another wife. Stands With a Fist will remain your first wife, but a new wife can help you care for her. You are a warrior, not a nurse. No one would speak ill of you if you chose to take another wife. Isn't that right Kicking Bird." Reluctantly, Kicking Bird nodded and took the pipe.

"I have no need or desire for another wife. Thank you. Another warrior might see the wisdom of your words, but I can only speak for myself." Kicking Bird grinned slightly and placed his hand on Thunder Horse's shoulder.

"Do not give up on your wife if that is what you believe. She will come back. Your love is strong. It did not die that day." He encouraged.

"I must get back to her. I should not leave her alone for long." Thunder stood up and Grey Wolf waved his hand, giving him permission to leave.

"Stay with me Kicking Bird. Let us talk more about this dance of yours."

[46]

Stands squinted against the bright light and raised her arm to shield her eyes. When she could see again, she looked around. The world looked alien to her, and like a ghost, she no longer belonged to it. There was no sound or color in this world, only black and white. She saw the trees moving, but she felt no wind. Birds flew by overhead, but they did not sing, and their wings made no sound. She looked down the path and was relieved to see a familiar face. Dove Feather stood there waiting for her, smiling and waving for her to come. Her mouth was moving, but no words came out. Stands stumbled down the path which seemed to grow longer and longer in front of her instead of shorter. When she reached the place where Dove had been, she looked ahead to find her farther down the path. Stands tried to call out for her to wait, but no words came. She began to run, but the faster she ran, the further away Dove was from her. She cut through the tall grass, but when she reached the river, Dove Feather was nowhere to be seen.

Stands looked down at her feet. She didn't recall walking into the river, but it swirled wildly around her legs. The water was higher than it should have been. The waves rushed against her and threatened to knock her off her feet. A wolf paced on the shore, so she could not go back. She tried to make it to the big flat rock that was barely visible above the rapids. The water suddenly turned icy cold and it bit at her legs as she grabbed hold of the rock and pulled herself up onto it. She felt her heart pounding in her chest and she could not breathe. The water turned red like blood; the only color in the bitter landscape. It reached its long fingers up onto the rock trying to reach her. What began as a hum in her ears swelled to a roar. She clapped her hands over her ears to muffle the sound, only to discover that the sound was coming from inside her own head. The wolf howled.

Stands became dizzy as the world began to spin. She lay flat on the rock and tried to hold on. Her eyes were shut tight and she bit into her lip to keep from screaming. She made herself remember good things; a kiss. Her fingers traced the shape of her lips. She slid them slowly down her throat and to her breasts. She remembered both pleasure and pain, a journey.

"If you take care of me, I'll take care of you." Stands opened her eyes and turned to find the source of those words, but found only the wolf, watching her and pacing. She slid her hands down the flat plain of her stomach, once filled with life, but now nothing more than an empty hollow space, and she remembered.

[47]

Thunder Horse pulled back the door flap and stepped inside his lodge to find it empty. He went back outside frantically running down the path to Kicking Bird's lodge.

"Black Shawl! Is my wife in there with you?" He asked. In a moment Black Shawl appeared in the doorway.

"No, she is not here."

"She is missing. I was only gone a short time with Kicking Bird. She is gone!" He was panicked and distraught.

"Calm down. She would not have gone far." Black Shawl reasoned. Just then another blood curdling scream came from the direction of the river. Again, Thunder Horse found himself running towards the water's edge. He saw her sprawled on the flat rock in the center of the calm water. She was doubled over and she held her stomach.

"My Baby! My Baby!" She cried out in anguish.

Thunder Horse raced to her side and pulled her into his arms.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I couldn't hold on to her." She sobbed against his shoulder. The tears flowed like rivers from her eyes. Thunder held on to her tightly. He was overcome by the sound of his wife's voice. She had come back to him and he didn't ever want to let go of her again.

"It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault. Please don't leave me like that ever again!" He pleaded holding her tightly.

"I couldn't save her!"

"I know…Its okay."

"Our baby…I'm so sorry." They stood there in the water with their heads touching and theirs tears flowing together. He took her face in his hands, looked into her eyes.

"I prayed that you would come back to me. I was so afraid that I'd lost you forever!" She put her arms around his neck and he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the shore where Black Shawl stood crying. She stepped aside to let him pass and he kept walking down the path to their home. He didn't stop until he reached their bed. He lay down beside her and held her in his arms, stroking her hair and kissing her tenderly until her last tear was shed.

"What happened to her?" Stands asked after lying silently in his arms for some time.

"Our daughter?" He asked. She looked up at him with sad eyes and nodded.

"I took her to the prairie. I gave her a proper Sioux burial. Then I spread her ashes by the base of the lonely tree." He told her softly. She fingered the scars on his arm and nodded. She knew that he had done right by their child. The Keeping of the Soul ceremony often included self-mutilation as part of the mourning process.

"Will you take me there?" She asked.

"Yes, when you are ready." He stroked her hair.

"Did you give her a proper Sioux name?"

"Yes. Only you and I will know it. I will tell you her name at the lonely tree. " She nodded in understanding. Thunder Horse had missed his wife, and he longed to lay with her and feel the comfort that only she could give him, but he waited. He knew that when she was ready, she would come to him. Instead he just held her.

"I am sorry." She said softly.

"Hush now. She is with the Great Spirit. We are here together. You must not leave me again." Stands clung tightly to her husband.

"I promise that I will stay here with you. I love you." She said finally. As they lay there in each other's arms, he told her about Dove Feather and Yellow Flower. She was sad to hear of what had happened to her friend. She felt sorry for Yellow Flower. She tried to hate her for what she had done, but it was all just a sad tragedy.

[48]

The harvest began the following week. Kicking Bird's dance had been scheduled, as had the move to the winter camp. Stands With a Fist was growing stronger every day. The bleeding had stopped and she was gradually resuming her daily routine, however she had not resumed all of her wifely duties. Thunder still gathered the water from the river, and they had not made love again.

On the morning before the healing dance, Thunder Horse took his wife's hand and they walked through the village together. He had already announced his intention to the council, so no one was surprised to see them mount Thunder Horse's favorite pony and ride out on the prairie. They rode in silence for several minutes, watching as the sun rose slowly in the sky.

"Is it very far?" She asked.

"An hour perhaps." He informed. They continued on in silence. They both knew what lay before them, but were enjoying the time spent alone together.

As soon as the tree came into view, Stands knew they had arrived without even asking. In the whole wide prairie, no other tree could be mistaken for 'the lonely tree'. It stood completely alone.

"It is a good resting place." She said softly, and he was glad for her approval. They dismounted and approached the tree hand in hand, on foot. Stands dropped to her knees by the base of the tree and laid her palm on the ground. The tears came again, bubbling up from deep inside her. Thunder Horse sat down beside her and she laid her head in his lap. He stroked her hair. His face was somber, but his eyes were dry. When her tears dried up, Stands sat up and pulled the knife from its sheath at her back and she sliced a two inch cut into the back of her arm. Thunder Horse took the knife from her and wiped it on the grass, then returned it to its sheath. He bandaged her wound with a strip of cloth ripped from the cuff of his leggings. They sat together for a long time in silence until, at last, he spoke.

"I called our daughter Heaven's Tears." He revealed quietly.

"That is a good name." Stands admitted. "Thank you." She stroked his cheek and looked into his weary face. He kissed her palm and shed a single tear. She wiped it away.

"We must go now. There is a dance in the village tonight. We don't want to be late." Thunder stood up and called out for his horse. The beautiful brown and white spotted pony perked up its ears from where it was grazing nearby and he hurried to his master's side. Thunder lifted Stands onto the horse and he walked along side for a while. They passed some wildflowers and he pulled a handful and held them up to his wife who took them and smiled. He grabbed the pony's mane and hoisted himself up behind her. She leaned back against his chest and he encircled her waist with his arms. The horse meandered in the direction of home. Stands ran her fingers through her hair, pulling it back from her neck so that she could look at her husband over her shoulder. He kissed her tenderly on the exposed flesh. She held his head in place, and he continued to kiss her neck. She moaned softly as he gently grazed her throat with his teeth. He took his hands off of the horse and moved them to her hips.

"I've missed you so much." He whispered in her ear. He moved his hands to her arms and she rested her palms on the tops of his thighs.

"I've missed you too." She responded. He tugged at the laces of her tunic and it slid easily to her waist, exposing her breasts. He studied the shape and the weight of them in his hands as her hands left his thighs, slid up his strong arms, admiring the contours of his muscles. As he rolled her nipples between his fingers, she clasped her hands behind his neck and thrust her chest out, allowing him full access. She found it exhilarating to be so completely exposed.

With a hunger that could not be denied, Thunder slid off the horse, pulling her down with him to the ground. His fingers and his lips journeyed across the curves and plains of her body. His long coarse hair fell onto her face and she rubbed it into her skin, turned on by the smell, texture and the friction. Thunder looked down and smiled as his beautiful wife was caught up in the passion of the moment. He took a strand of his own hair and he teased her hard little nipples. Immediately she arched her back and pushed them up towards him. He devoured the left one, taking it all into his mouth as she grabbed on to his biceps and held on.

The passion built to feverish heights until they were both tugging at their clothes, wanting nothing at all between them. He got off her to pull his leggings off and she tugged her tunic off then they were together again. He let her roll him over on his back and he patiently waited as she took her turn, exploring his chest and arms with her fingertips and her mouth.

"Oh, what are you doing?" He moaned as she covered his stomach with her lips. He groaned out loud as she took him into her mouth. He had never felt anything like this before. Stands had surrendered to the passion she could not contain. She needed him inside of her. It never once occurred to her that what she was doing was anything less than natural.

He indulged in the exquisite pleasure that her mouth gave him until he felt ready to explode, and then he found the strength to roll her off of him. He buried his head between her creamy white thighs and returned the favor. This was his wife and he wanted to know her completely. He drove her to madness with his tongue. She ripped fists full of clover as he buried it deep inside her. They rolled over again and again. As she looked down at him the need became so great that she grabbed him in her fist and guided him inside her. She cried out her relief. It was savage and wild. He rolled her over again and he loved her hard. She clawed his skin and he pounded her tender flesh into the ground. Neither of them stopped until they both had come as hard as they had loved. They lay together, panting for air, clinging to each other. When they finally sat up, they started searching for their clothes and found them almost 30 feet away. They just looked at each other and laughed.

"You have grass in your hair." She said.

"So do you." He pointed out, picking out the evidence.

"That's not the only place that I have grass." she complained. "I itch all over."

"Good, I'll give you a bath when we get home." He teased.

"Only if I can give you one." She bargained.

"I look forward to it." He agreed. She slipped her tunic over her head and tied the lashes.

"That thing you did…It was good." He told her, pulling up his leggings.

"Good." She laughed, only slightly embarrassed at having lost control.

"And that thing you did was also good." She blushed.

"Good to know." He called for his horse and they mounted up.

"What is that over there?" Stands pointed to a column of smoke in the distance.

"We should go check it out." Thunder Horse turned the pony in the direction of the smoke. As they neared it however, he became worried. He stopped the pony and helped Stands off of the horse.

"Stay here. I will check this out alone." He took her knife from behind her back and secured it in her hand.

"Stay out of sight. If you hear me call, go back the way we came. Stay in the tall grass till you get to the river, then follow it home." She held onto his arm.

"Don't go. We should just go home." She was worried.

"It will be fine. I will be right back. Stay here unless I call out." He mounted and rode over the hill. Stands watched and waited. She felt fear and panic rising inside her until, at last, he appeared on the horizon. He jumped down when he reached her and lifted her back up, then he mounted behind her and took off at full gallop. Once they were a safe distance away, he slowed down.

"Are you going to tell me?" She asked finally.

"There are many white men in the valley just over that hill. They are making camp. We must hurry back and tell the others. Grey Wolf and Kicking Bird will know what to do."


	9. Chapter 9

[49]

Thunder Horse sought out Chief Grey Wolf soon after they returned to camp. He found him in his lodge enjoying the company of Kicking Bird and Stone Calf. Pretty Shield welcomed him when he arrived, and announced him to her husband who was quick to invite him inside. He sat cross-legged by the fire and took the pipe that was offered him.

"How is the prairie today?" Grey Wolf finally asked. "Did you and your wife accomplish what you set out to do?"

"Yes, but we saw something that worries me. I do not know what to think of it, but I knew that you would understand what to do." Thunder Horse paid homage to the wisdom of his elders.

"What troubles you?" Grey Wolf Asked. Thunder Horse had the undivided attention of all three men.

"Returning to camp, we saw a column of smoke and went to investigate. Over a hill, I saw many white men…perhaps fifty or more, but no women or children. They had many horses and wagons, and they had built lodges out of timber as well as many strange looking tipis." The three men exchanged worried glances.

"Where is their camp exactly?" Stone Calf asked.

Thunder Horse described the general location and distance of the white men's camp to be almost ten miles down-river.

"Did they see you?" Kicking Bird asked.

"No, I'm sure they did not see us." He answered confidently. After a brief silence, the chief finally spoke.

"We will have the ceremony tonight as planned, and then we will move the camp tomorrow. I think we will be safe at the winter camp. Thunder Horse, you will choose five men and stay behind to make sure that we are not followed. Perhaps they mean us no harm, but the stories I have heard from others make me cautious. When it is safe, you can catch up." Grey Wolf ordered. Thunder Horse nodded his agreement all the while dreading his wife's reaction to the news that he would not be making this journey with her.

[50]

"What are you saying? I don't want to you to stay behind. Isn't there another way?" Stands protested.

"Do not be worried. I am a warrior. I have a responsibility to the tribe as well as to you." He reasoned.

"Only seven will stay? You said there were nearly fifty men at the white men's camp." She wore her worry all over her face.

"We are not staying to fight, only to make sure that the tribe is not followed to the winter camp. They will not even know that we are here." He promised.

"You will be careful?" She pleaded.

"I will. We have become spoiled and soft in this time of peace. For the first time since our marriage, I must do what is required of a warrior. This will not be the last time, and you need to be prepared for the day that I have to go and fight. That day is sure to come, but it is not now. Everything will be fine. You will go to the winter camp and when we are sure that it is safe to follow the tribe, we will." He explained.

"What if something happens and you don't come?" She asked.

"If I do not return, you will mourn me until Kicking Bird says that you have mourned long enough, and then you will go on. You will find another husband and be happy." He teased her.

"No! Don't say that! Don't even tease me like that!" She cried, punching him in the arm.

"I am sorry. That was cruel of me to make light of your fears. There will be no fighting. I will come to the winter camp, but if my time comes, I need you to know my wishes." He insisted, suddenly serious. "You are far too good a wife to be alone in this world. I don't want you to ever be alone. If I cannot be here to love and protect you, let yourself love someone. It is what I want for you. Promise me that you will try to be happy again once your time to cry has past." He looked her in the eye. She saw the seriousness in his face.

"Have you had a vision?" She asked cautiously. "If you have a bad feeling about this, don't stay. Please come with me." She begged.

"No, I have not had a vision. I will stay and when it is safe, I will return to your side. I will hold you in my arms and love you as long as the Great Spirit allows, but promise me…" He held her face in his hands.

"I promise." She finally consented. He nodded and released her face, and then he turned away.

"Just who would you recommend that I marry? Little Bear, or perhaps Wind in His Hair?" She mumbled sarcastically, under her breath. He turned and looked at her, considering the eligible warriors in the tribe and not finding a suitable option he shook his head.

"You will know who, if the time comes." He said. "Now let us go to the dance. We do not want to be late.

[51]

Stands With A Fist and Thunder Horse walked together to the tribal lodge, joined by their neighbors. They smelled the sage burning as they approached, which created an atmosphere of spiritual unity among the people. Black Shawl and Pretty Shield stood on either side of the entrance and as the members of the tribe paraded past them, each in turn would stop and allow the smoke from the sage wash over them. With their hands they waved the smoke over their heads and breathed it into their lungs. The smudging was an important part of the healing ritual and the fragrant smoke was believed to ward off the negative energy that surrounded each member of the tribe and prepare them for the healing ceremony that would come. Once everyone was inside, Kicking Bird began by beseeching the West power, the life giving rains and ever-present spirit world, the North power, the source of endurance, strength, truthfulness and honesty, the East power, the sun that brings knowledge and spirituality, and the South power, the supplier of bounty, medicine and growth. Next, he acknowledged the Earth Spirit. He touched his pipe to the ground.

"Mother Earth, I seek to protect you." He said, before raising the pipe towards the sky. "Oh Great Spirit, I thank you for the six powers of the universe." 

After the ceremony, the tribe broke bread together, and then the warrior dancing began. When it was over, everyone returned to their homes to prepare for journey which would begin at sunrise.

[52]

That night, Thunder Horse and Stands With A Fist made love. She clung to him as if it were the last time they would ever be together. The scent of sage was heady and intoxicating. It lingered on the skin and in the hair. Their lovemaking was sensual and erotic, not rushed. Every cell in her body was aware of him as if they were one person instead of two. When they reached their destination together, it was without fanfare. Instead they floated down like two leaves on the wind. They lay together without moving or speaking, and in a very short while they both fell into a deep sleep.

[53]

The morning came and the tribe was alive with activity. Thunder Horse helped Stands disassemble their home. He had chosen six seasoned warriors, including Wind in His Hair and Red Elk to stay behind with him. When the time came for him to say goodbye to his Stands, the others respectfully gave them privacy.

"You have my word that I will be careful. Will you give me your word that you will be brave?" He asked her.

"Yes. Will you be long?"

"If all is safe, I will be back in your arms in three days."

"Three days." She nodded, more to herself than to him. "I can be brave for three days." She promised. He smiled.

"I love you." He whispered and then kissed her lips.

"Three days." She repeated. He lifted her onto her horse, and he watched her ride off with the rest of the tribe.

[54]

On the afternoon of the third day, it began to rain. Stands With a Fist paced inside her tipi. She became more worried as the day turned to night and there was still no sign of her husband. The thunder rumbled and lightning flashed. The wind was strong and she could not sleep knowing that Thunder was out in the storm….or worse. Her fear gnawed at her until she felt she would go mad with worry. She admonished herself for not being brave and for not having faith in her husband. For hours she went back and forth between worry, fear, guilt, and even anger at Thunder Horse for making her worry. She eventually climbed into bed and tried to sleep, but couldn't. Finally the flap was thrown back on the tipi and relief washed over her as Thunder Horse stepped inside, covered with a buffalo skin and dripping wet. He knew that she would be waiting up for him and he looked for her face inside the dark tipi.

"I'm sorry I'm late." He apologized. Stands jumped out of bed and ran to him.

"I'm all wet." He warned. She ignored his warning and instead fell into his waiting arms. She kissed him hard on the mouth.

"I told you everything would be fine." He gloated.

"I wasn't worried." She lied. He smiled knowingly.

"It is good to be home." He admitted as she led him back to their bed.

[55]

The tribe prospered over the next several months. Thunder Horse and the other warriors hunted and patrolled the area surrounding the camp, while Stands spent her days working with the other women, caring for the children, beading, and making blankets and clothes. Thunder Horse had enjoyed his ride out on the prairie with his wife so much that he made it a point to take her with him every few days. They enjoyed being alone together. One day they were walking together with the horse trailing behind. The path took them through the woods at the base of a mountain of rock. Thunder was going on and on about his skill as a hunter and Stands playfully teased him.

"I bet I could hide and you would not find me." She laughed. He looked at her in disbelief.

"Alright then, but if I find you, I get to do whatever I want with you." He bargained. The idea sent a thrill through Stands.

"Deal. You have to give me a head start though, and no peeking."

"Fine." He sat down on a rock and closed his eyes. Stands smiled and ran off.

For a moment Stands considered hiding in the woods, but she thought he would search for her there first. She headed into the woods to throw him off, but then turned her eyes up the face of the mountain, looking for an outcrop of rocks big enough to hide behind. She thought he would never look up the mountain for her so she started to climb. Using the rocks, she pulled herself up until she was on a narrow ledge looking down on him. There were no rocks to hide behind so she made her way a little higher. There were some bushes that she was sure would conceal her.

"I'm coming!" She heard him call out just as she took cover. Her heart was racing with excitement as she watched him searching for her behind the bushes below. He quickly found her footprints and followed them into the woods, but they led him right to the place where she had begun her assent.

"I believe the deer went up the mountain." He called out, taunting her. She nearly screamed; such was her excitement. She looked around for an escape route, and found a narrow passage in the rocks behind her back. She slipped through. The path was completely hidden, and wide enough for a single person to walk between two rock walls. She wondered if any human had ever set foot there before. As she followed the path, it opened up and soon she was standing in the middle of a small clearing. She was awestruck by the lush beauty of the landscape. Although it was late September, it was still warm outside and the leaves on the trees overhead were afire with red, orange, and yellow. The few leaves that had already fallen on the grass retained their brilliant colors. They did not crunch under her feet. The grass was just beginning to show signs that the season was changing. The entire clearing was surrounded by rock walls. She guessed that it would be large enough to support three of four families at most, which was unfortunate because the tribe would be perfectly secure in a place like this. There was even a source of fresh water. It flowed down from the rocks above in a majestic cascade that formed at its base a pool that she longed to dive into. Instead she sat down on the ground beneath a willow tree, trying to take it all in. She was so caught up in the beauty of the place that she didn't even hear Thunder Horse walk up behind her.

"What is this paradise you've found?" He asked suddenly, making her jump.

"This must surely be a holy place." She whispered reverently.

"Not yet, but it will be….soon." He said suggestively. She looked in his direction to find him removing his clothes.

"I caught you." She jumped up and took two steps backwards as he took two steps towards her, then she squealed and ran away.

"You said 'Deal'." He reminded her, walking towards her, fully naked now. She turned to face him and playfully let her tunic drop to the green carpet at her feet. A hungry grin spread across his face as she kicked off her moccasins. He ran towards her and she braced herself, but he sailed on past her. His war cry pierced the silence, followed by a huge splash as he dove into the water.

"Come on in the water." He called a few moments later when he resurfaced.

"I don't think I remember how to swim." She admitted.

"It is easy, I will teach you." He promised.

"I'll drown."

"Not before I've had my way with you." He teased. Cautiously, Stands walked to the edge and once she worked up the courage she jumped in. When she surfaced again she screamed.

"You didn't tell me the water was so cold!"

"It is almost October, I thought you would have figured it out." He laughed.

"The days have still been hot like summer." She argued.

"This water flows from on top of the mountain." He explained. "It is always colder up there."

She swam towards him.

"See, you haven't forgotten how to swim, and you will get used to the water. Already, I am used to it." He promised, taking her into his arms.

"You are so beautiful." He mumbled against her wet cheek.

"And you are the best hunter." She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Actually, it wasn't that difficult. You let yourself get backed into a corner with no means of escape." He teased. She bit his shoulder.

"Perhaps I wanted to get caught." She suggested. He grimaced at the pain and then smiled. She pushed away from him and splashed water in his face. He playfully gave chase again, grabbing her feet and pulling her under. She sprung from the water, gasping for air.

"You're trying to drown me!" She accused.

"No, not until…"

"I know, not until you've had your way with me. So you keep saying, but are you all talk and no action? Do you plan on making me wait forever?"

"Get over here and find out." He dared her. As Stand swam closer, he backed away until they finally met beneath the waterfall. Thunder climbed out on the rocks and he pulled Stands up into his arms. They kissed passionately as the water drenched them both. Suddenly Thunder lifted Stands and tossed her back into the water. He laughed out loud and then jumped in behind her. They swam to the edge and climbed out. He lay her down on the soft grass and stretched out beside her.

"So what are you going to do to me?" She asked seductively.

"Be patient. I am in no hurry. Do you have somewhere else you need to be?" He raised himself up on one elbow.

"No. I just want you." She admitted.

"And you shall have me." He promised. He traced a circle around one of her hard nipples with his index finger; then rolled it between his finger and thumb, sending delicious sensations through her whole body.

"When we are together like this, I know how blessed I am." He began. "There is no other woman that I could ever want or need." He massaged her whole breast. "You are so beautiful, my only desire. I think only of you, even when we are apart; especially when we are apart. I will never grow tired of your lips." He traced the fullness of her bottom lip with his thumb. "When you smile at me, or look at me with those green eyes, my body aches to be one with you." He rolled over and positioned himself above her. "Can you see how my body aches for you now?" He kissed her lips and she felt the evidence of his desire pressed against her thigh. He continued to explore her mouth with his tongue as she embraced him. She became impatient as he moved his lips to her breasts. It felt wonderful but she needed more.

"What do you want?" He asked as he returned to her lips. "Just tell me and it will be yours."

"I want to feel you inside me." She pleaded desperately.

"Does your body ache for me?" He teased.

"Yes!"

"You are mine." He announced as his hands parted her legs.

"Yes, take me…Please, I need you now!"

"We are one." And instantly they were. He slid easily inside her, forming a bond that was both familiar and new.

"I love you!" She cried out. "I love you so much!" She clung to him. Her legs wrapped around him as they moved together.

[56]

Later, as they lay in each other's arms, their bodies dried and warmed by the afternoon sun, Stands spoke the words that had been weighing heavy on her mind.

"Do you want to try to have another baby?" Her head rested on his chest in such a way that she could not see his reaction.

"I love you and I love being with you, making love to you. One day, perhaps, we will make a baby…when you are ready." He tenderly stroked her hair.

"What if I can't? Many times I have thought that it would happen, but it hasn't yet."

"Do not worry about it. It will happen when it is time…when you are ready."

"You should have a son. I want to give you a son."

"There is time. For now, we have each other and I am very happy." After several moments of silence, Thunder Horse sat up.

"We need to dress and head back to camp. It will be getting dark soon and it will get colder very quickly when the sun goes down." He gathered their clothes while she sat burning the details of the landscape into her memory. Once he had retrieved everything, he sat back down beside her.

"Let me braid your hair." He offered. She moved between his legs and he combed through her long hair with his fingers, dividing it into thirds and twisting it into one long braid. He fastened it off with a strip of rawhide. He kissed her bare shoulder and rubbed her back. She turned around and sat on her knees as he slipped her tunic over her head. He smoothed it down over her body and helped her tie it on, fastening one shoulder while she did the other. His hands lingered on her hips.

"If you like I will braid your hair." She offered. Thunder smiled.

"I'm afraid that if I let you do that, I will have you out of your clothes again and we will have to find our way home in the dark. When we get home I will let you braid it if you would like." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately. He sat her down beside him and placed her shoes in front of her.

"Put these on." He said, and then he reached for his own clothes. Stands slipped on her moccasins and watched with great interest as he dressed himself. When they were ready to leave, they both took another look around. He stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

"Do not forget this place. This is our place. We will come here again in the spring when it is warm. We will stay here for a time together and sleep under the stars. This place will be a sanctuary if you ever need a safe place. Always remember it. You will always be safe here."

"You said that I had backed myself into a corner. Are you sure it is safe?" She asked, enjoying the strength of his arms.

"It is safe. I will teach you how to cover your tracks better. If you had covered your tracks, I might never have found you." He admitted.

"I'm glad you found me." She smiled.

"I too am glad." He squeezed her and then took her hand and led her out down the only path out of the clearing.

[57]

During another of their outings in late February, the camp was attacked by the Utes and they suffered very heavy losses. When they returned to camp, Thunder and Stands learned that seven were dead, 20 ponies were stolen, as well as about a third of the tribe's food stores. The attack had violated a treaty and thrust them into a war with the Utes. Grey Wolf had called for a war party to ride against their enemies to retaliate and recover what was stolen. Thunder Horse was to be among the warriors who would be going. Grey Wolf ordered that a second band of warriors be sent ahead to scout the safe passage for the tribes journey back to their other camp. In their absence, the state of the white men's camp was unknown and they could not risk walking into a trap. There was much work to be done and Stands With A Fist busied herself to keep her mind off of all of the possible things that could go wrong.

Another smudging ceremony was held to ward off negative energy and prayers were offered up for the safe return of the warriors. The ponies and warriors were decorated with war paint. Stands took great care to give her husband a proper sendoff. She wanted him to be proud. She also knew that he could not focus on the fight if he was worried about her, so she put on a brave face.

"You don't seem worried this time." Thunder Horse observed.

"I am worried. I just know that you have to do what must be done." She said.

"Thank you." He replied. "You are brave."

"I am trying to be." She promised.

"It makes you even more beautiful to me." He admitted. She smiled sweetly and he hugged and kissed her, then mounted up and rode away. The warriors looked fierce and she hoped that they would all return home safely, and soon.

[58]

In a week's time, the scouting party returned with news of the white men's camp. It was reported that they had suffered great losses at the hands of the Pawnee. The temporary structures had been burned down and only a couple of the timber buildings remained. A few of the men had made shelter by digging into the side of a hill. Most of the horses were gone, and the number of men had been cut by half.

Grey Wolf decided that it was safe enough to move the camp back.


	10. Chapter 10

Thunder Horse – Chapter 10

[59]

Stands With a Fist went straight to work when the tribe arrived at camp. Staying busy helped to take her mind off of all of the possible things that could be going wrong with the war party. Every last possibility had already played itself out in her imagination on the long journey from the winter camp.

She helped Black Shawl and Kicking Bird set up their tipi, and then they returned the favor. She took Black Shawl's 12 year old daughter Willow to the woods to gather wood and water for both houses, then went to the tribal tent to help with the preparation for a communal meal that evening. By the end of the night, she was so tired that she fell right into bed and went to sleep.

[60]

Over the next several days, most of the daylight hours were dedicated to cultivating the fields and planting the vegetables gardens. The tribe's food supply was still dangerously low due to the last raid and the fact that it had been months since the buffalo herds had been seen. Stands worked very hard from sun up to sun down, as did most of her neighbors.

When the war party had not returned after several days, her fear was nearly impossible to contain. A couple of the other wives came to her one afternoon and pleaded with her to talk to Grey Wolf about sending out a scouting party to report back on the whereabouts of their husbands. She told them that she would give it some consideration. Her only hesitation was in appearing weak. She didn't want to bring dishonor to her husband. The other women were more than happy to let that responsibility fall on her head, mostly because they felt that Grey Wolf would be more inclined to agree since Thunder Horse was his grandson.

[61]

When they had not returned in two weeks, Stands thought 'honor be damned.' She needed to know, even if the truth was hard to hear. Nothing could be worse than the fear that fueled her imagination. Once the decision was made, there was no going back. She walked across the camp to Grey Wolf's tipi where she found Pretty Shield, sitting outside grinding spices.

"Good afternoon Pretty Shield. How are you today?" She asked, trying to make small talk.

"I am worried, as I know you must be?" The old woman patted the ground beside her and Stands reluctantly joined her.

"You are right, I am a little worried about my husband." She admitted.

"Everyone is talking about it. Kicking Bird, Stone Calf, Wind in His Hair, they are all in with Grey Wolf now." She pointed to the tipi behind them.

"I too was coming to have a word with your husband. Some of the other wives have asked me to express their concern. You haven't heard any news of the war party have you?" She asked cautiously.

"No one has heard anything as far as I know. You mustn't worry too much. Thunder Horse is an excellent warrior. He will lead them all home safely, you will see." Pretty Shield continued to grind the spices in the mortar as she talked. "Trust the men to handle it dear. Everything will be alright. "

"I am trying, Grandmother." She sighed.

"I wanted to ask you dear, have you given thought to having another baby? It has been long enough." The woman was blunt.

"We are trying, but we are having trouble. Thunder Horse says that it will happen when it happens." The old woman nodded thoughtfully.

"I will think about this. Perhaps there is something that can be done to improve your chances." Stands was both embarrassed and curious. Could her problem be fixed with a potion or some combination of herbs?

Just then, the men stepped solemnly out of the tipi belonging to Grey Wolf and Pretty Shield. Stands looked from one to the other and grew even more worried because they were worried. Wind in His Hair stopped in front of her and she stood to face him.

"I will take several men and we will ride out at daybreak tomorrow to see if we can locate him." He explained, anticipating her concern.

"Thank you." She answered. She felt relieved to know that something was being done, but it didn't ease her concern.

[61]

Wind in His Hair and five other warriors rode off at day break in the direction of the Ute camp. They made camp at dusk and were back on the trail when dawn came on the second day. They reached the Ute's winter camp to find it abandoned. Wind in His Hair rationalized that they had also retreated to their summer camp. There was much debate among the warriors about whether they should head back to camp, or continue on their journey to follow the Ute's. In the end they decided to continue on, knowing that they had not passed the war party on the trail behind them. Hopefully they would run into them somewhere ahead.

They crossed the path of the buffalo a day and a half later and decided to follow. Another half a day's journey and they came across their brothers who had made camp. Thunder Horse greeted the other warriors cheerfully as the two groups merged.

"Did they send you to find us?" Thunder Horse asked.

"Yes, everyone was worried when you didn't come back." Wind offered.

"By everyone, do you mean my wife?" He asked his friend, smiling.

"Your wife, yes, but everyone else was worried also. I am happy to find you well."

"We struck the Ute camp and were very successful getting back our horses; and a few extra for our effort, but when we went to get back our food, we found the Ute's storehouse nearly bare. We could not take what little they had, even if most of it had been ours in the first place. Lucky for us, we ran into the buffalo herd. We thought about sending someone to camp to alert the tribe, but the herd was running in the opposite direction and we couldn't take the chance that we would miss it. Our war party became a hunting party, and we have been very successful. In two more days we will have as much as we can carry back home, but now that you are here, we can carry back even more."

"That is great news, but you wish to stay two more days? We have already been gone five days looking for you." Wind questioned.

"The tribe desperately needs the meat." Thunder reminded. "It is a great sacrifice, but it is our duty to think of the tribe."

"But someone will not be happy." Wind warned.

"I know, but she will understand when she finds out why I was late. She will forgive me." Thunder put his hand on Wind's shoulder. "I hope" The two men laughed.

"Let us get some sleep. We will ride with the buffalo in the morning."

[62]

Stands carried in the wood and water. She picked berries and then helped to weed the garden. She spent some time with Black Shawl and her children, but she was restless. Nothing could hold her attention for very long before her thoughts returned to her missing husband. Even the rescue party had been gone for many days and the whole camp was on edge. The other wives were constantly coming around and crying to her about missing their husbands and sharing their fears about what could have happened to them. She knew that the women were just trying to find comfort by uniting with each other. They were all going through the same thing, but Stands could barely deal with her own problems right now. Having to deal with their fears as well was more than she could stand. She got to the point where she would hide to avoid them when she saw them coming. She felt both guilty and selfish, but she needed desperately to hold on to a shred of optimism, and that was nearly impossible to do when surrounded by constant worry and fear.

[63]

Thunder Horse lead the men back into camp in the middle of the night. Some of them had wanted to sleep out on the prairie and arrive at home in the morning, but Thunder Horse was eager to be home. They slipped quietly into the sleeping village. The single men agreed to fill the storehouse with the meat that they had collected, so that the married men could go on home to their families. Thunder Horse wanted very much to see his wife, but he felt the need to wash the trail dust, blood and sweat off of him before he climbed into bed. He walked down the vacant path to the river. The water was cool and it felt good. He splashed it in his face and all over his body. After his bath, he walked back down the path towards his tipi, where he knew his beautiful wife lay sleeping. The moonlight glistened on his naked body. He hadn't bothered to put back on his dirty clothes. He knew that no one was awake to see him. He looked up at the moon. Even though it shone brightly on the path, dark heavy clouds were rolling in and the air was thick with the smell of rain. As he reached his lodge, he quietly pulled back the door flap and stepped inside. He dropped his clothes on the floor and paused to let his eyes adjust to the darkness. He smiled at the sudden sound of his wife's gentle snoring. Soon he hoped to join her.

On tiptoe he walked over and then slipped gently into bed, trying not to wake Stands, but she had become a light sleeper in his absence. He could tell the exact moment when she awoke and realized that he was there beside her. He could feel her relief.

"Thunder!" She cried as he slid up to her back and pulled her close to him.

"Ssh…Yes, I am home so you need not worry any longer. I know you have been afraid, and you have many questions. I promise that I will answer them all in the morning, but I have missed my home, my bed, and my wife. I am tired, and all I want is to lie down and sleep with you in my arms, and the sound of the rain in my ears. Can we do that? Please?" He asked.

"First tell me, are you hurt?" She asked calmly.

"No. Not even a scratch. I promise." He answered.

"Alright then." She answered, snuggling close into the safety of his arms.

"I am glad that you are home."

"So am I my love. So am I." He kissed her tenderly on top of her head. In a few moments he was snoring. Stands enjoyed the feel of his body lying beside her again.

"I love you." She whispered, knowing that he would not hear her. She closed her eyes as the rain began to fall gently on the canvas of the tipi.

[64]

The rain was still falling three hours later when Stands woke to find her husband's strong hands gliding like warm silk over her skin. He had tugged her tunic up to give him free reign of her body. His hands gently moved over her breasts and down over her stomach. His right arm, the one beneath her, circled her waist and held her close to him as his left hand slid over her hip and down her thigh. It was a sensation of pure pleasure that caused her to move into his touch. She tangled her feet with his and leaned back against his hard body. She smiled when she encountered the evidence of his desire against her bottom.

"Baby, help me take this off." He suddenly whispered, breaking the silence. He tugged her tunic further up and she slipped it over her head. He tossed it away from them, towards the outer wall. As his hands returned to their exploration of her body, he pressed his lips against the back of her shoulder and kissed her tenderly.

"Do you know how much I love you?" He asked. "How much I've missed you." He kissed her repeatedly on her back, tasting her with his tongue. She moaned softly, adding fuel to the fire that they were building.

"Do you know how I feel, knowing that you are mine?" He continued. "Your heart is mine."

"Yes" She sighed. His left hand slid down her stomach and between her legs, which made her melt.

"And your body is mine." He claimed her, slowly dipping one finger into her liquid bliss.

"Yes! Yes!" She cried softly, moving against his hand. He could tell by the way she greedily sought out the pleasure that he was providing, that she would not be able to wait. She needed sexual release and he was more than happy to help her find it. When it came, he felt it move through her body in wave after wave, and it brought a smile of satisfaction to his face.

He eased his hand from between her legs and she immediately rolled over on top of him. She kissed his mouth as he caressed her back, allowing his hands to dip and rise, and to finally rest on her bottom.

"I love you so much." She moaned between kisses that trailed across his chest and belly as she slowly slid down the length of him. She kept one hand splayed across his chest, and wrapped the other one around him. He expelled a deep moan of pleasure as she eagerly took him into her mouth. He placed his left hand over hers on his chest, and tenderly stroked the top of her head as she lovingly drove him to madness. Not long after, he buried his fingers in her hair and he called her name out loud. Stands sat up and looked at him just as he erupted, spilling his seed across his belly. Gently she lay beside him and they looked at each other and smiled. He brushed the hair back from her face with his fingers.

"We are a pair, aren't we?" He asked. Her smile grew.

"Yes we are." She agreed. Thunder rolled out of bed and reached for a bladder of water to wash up with.

"Don't you think for one second that I am through with you." He warned. Stands giggled.

"Don't you think for one second that I am through with you either." She sassed back. "I still have questions that you promised to answer."

Thunder looked down at his limp penis and then grinned at his wife.

"I guess we have a few minutes for questions." He teased.

"So I guess we are staying inside today?" She asked.

"I've been outside for almost 30 days. Besides, it is raining out there still." He said, lifting up the door flap enough to peek outside, then letting it drop closed again.

"Good. I don't want to share you with anyone just yet." She admitted as he returned to bed. He propped up against a pile of buffalo skin blankets and Stands curled up next to him.

"Today, you are mine." She staked her claim.

"Is that so?" He asked playfully.

"Yes. Your heart is mine." She climbed up in his lap, facing him, and resting her hands on his shoulders.

"Yes it is." He admitted. She stared intently into his eyes.

"And your body is mine."

"Yes. Yes." He imitated her. She leaned over him and kissed his lips.

"So what about your questions?" He asked, gently squeezing her bottom in his hands.

"There will be time for talking later." She answered. He looked from her face to her breasts which were positioned in front of his face. His body began to respond, and he grinned.

"Whatever you say. You are the boss today." He took her nipple in his mouth and sucked on it for a second.

"But, the time for talking has passed." He announced. She smiled and eased down on him. They clung to each other without moving for a minute.

"It feels so good to be home." He sighed.

[65]

When the rain stopped there was a big gathering to celebrate the warrior's return and their success on the hunt. The tribe was rejuvenated, and all signs of the stress and fear that plagued them had vanished. Stands sat in the tribal tipi beside her husband and listened intently as he and his brothers told stories about their adventure. Besides the fighting and the hunting of buffalo, the journey home had taken them near the white men's camp. It was difficult to see in the dark, but they were fairly certain that the camp had been abandoned. Wind in His Hair announced plans to ride out to the camp in a day or two, to explore. Thunder Horse looked at Stands as if asking permission to accompany Wind on the journey, and everyone in the tent began to laugh.

"You have survived war with the Utes, a buffalo herd, and many nights out on the prairie. Now you are really taking a chance with your life." Grey Wolf teased. Even Stands had to smile. When the laughter died down and the subject was changed to something else, she leaned over and spoke to her husband.

"I am fine if you go, but I don't want to sleep without you again for awhile." He smiled and kissed her tenderly.

"I don't want to sleep without you either. These men are not nearly as fun, or as warm as you are." He teased.

[66]

A small band rode out the next morning, including Thunder, Wind, and Red Elk. Stands had packed a lunch for her husband, and she made him promise that they would be back before dark. Normally she would not presume to tell him what to do, but they both understood that she had earned the temporary right to be the boss. He definitely didn't want to put her through anymore worry for a while.

Stands spent the day working in the fields with the other women. They laughed, joked, and even sang songs as they pulled weeds. Stands worked with Black Shawl's oldest daughter, Willow. She pointed out what was a weed and what was a plant. Willow would be eleven in another week, and it was time that she learned to help. Black Shawl still had three small children, and so she had asked Stands to help teach her what she might need to know. Stands was happy to do it. She looked on Willow as a little sister, and serving as a teacher gave her a sense of purpose.

The men returned in late afternoon, before dusk and everyone gathered to hear what they had to say. As usual, Thunder Horse took the lead.

"The white men have abandoned their camp." He announced somberly. "I do not know what to think of these people. They do not value life as we do. Although the men were gone, four starving horses remained in a fence so that they could not even graze on the grass to save themselves. As much as it hurt my heart, we had to end their suffering." Everyone listened with sadness as he continued.

"The white men do not know how to live on the prairie. They hunt, but only take what they need and leave the rest to rot. When they are hungry again, they kill again. They pile the carcasses up to draw flies, or throw them into the river, contaminating their own water supply. We are better off without them here. They do not live in harmony with the earth, but instead, they leave a path of destruction. I don't know if they will return, but for now they are gone, and I am glad."


	11. Chapter 11

Thunder Horse – Chapter 11

[67]

Two weeks passed by quickly in the camp, and everything had returned to normal. The storehouse was full, the fields had been planted, the white men had almost disappeared from conversation, and the Utes had made no attempt to strike back, but neither had they agreed to a treaty. It was the hottest part of summer, and Thunder Horse felt that it was a good time to spend some time alone with his wife. He brought up the subject one morning as they sat beneath a low hanging tree, sharing a breakfast of fresh berries.

"I have been thinking about our paradise." He said. "I think it is time that we went back there for a while." Stands froze, her mouth open ready to receive a plump blackberry. A smile spread across her face.

"Really! I would love to see it again. Do you think we could?"

"Yes, I would like to swim in the pool. It would feel very nice on a hot day like today. Don't you think so?"

"Yes! It would be wonderful!" The memory of the last time flickered in her mind and she longed to be there again.

"I'll bet the water is not cold now." She said, blushing at the memory of their last visit.

"It is a long journey from here. We would have to sleep out on the prairie the first night. You won't be afraid will you?" He popped a berry into his mouth and bit down. The juice exploded, sliding out the corner of his mouth and leaving a trail down his chin. Stands rushed in to catch it on her lips. She sucked the sticky sweet juice from the corner of his mouth; then she gently kissed his lips.

"You will be with me. I won't be afraid of anything if you are there." She laid her head on his knee and he smiled down at her.

"We would have to stay four or five days at least, to make it worth the journey. Would that be alright?" He asked, seductively tracing the features of her face with his fingertip.

"Just you and me, alone together? I would be very happy." She promised. He lovingly ran his fingers through her long hair.

"The journey would be very hard. It is hot on the prairie, and there is not much shade like we have here." He indicated the tree that sheltered them from the sun that was already uncomfortably hot.

"Even hotter than working in the vegetable garden all day?" She asked.

"About the same." He caressed her ear lobe.

"If you can find the way in the dark, we could travel at night. It will be cooler then." She suggested.

"I think I can find it in the dark. You are very smart Stands. That is a good idea." Thunder praised her.

"Don't act so surprised." She said, pretending to be offended. He laughed softly.

"I am not surprised. I would not have married you if you had not been as wise as you are beautiful."

"What are you going to do today?" Stands asked.

"Wind in His Hair and I are going to take Smiles a lot, Otter, and Worm to the woods and teach them how to make a bow. They will be braves soon. It is time that they learned."

"And why don't their fathers teach them?" Stands asked.

"Their fathers will teach them how to shoot it. You know my bows are best. They should learn how to make them from me." He explained. She raised an eyebrow at his arrogance.

"Well, since you put it that way…" She laughed.

"And what will you do today?" He asked.

"I will be tanning hides I imagine. Your recent buffalo hunt has left me much work to do."

"Good. It will keep you out of trouble." He teased. She sat up and climbed up in his lap. She tossed her arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the mouth.

"I can think of some trouble that we both could get into." She purred. She felt his lips curl into a smile beneath hers.

"Here? Where everyone can see?" He asked, pointing again towards the three adolescent boys whose eyes were now on her. Stands rolled her eyes and frowned, and then slid off of her husband's lap.

"Do not worry wife. When we get to our paradise, I am going to hide your clothes and we can get into all sorts of trouble together." That made her smile once more.

"I will make an announcement at tribal council tonight, and we will leave in two days. Can you wait until then?" He leaned over to her and kissed her cheek.

"If I must." She sighed. She gathered the empty berry bowl and left her husband sitting under the tree.

[68]

When the sun had dropped below the horizon two days later, Stands and Thunder Horse were preparing to head out. The entire village had come to see them off. Pretty Shield hugged Thunder Horse and told him that she expected him to get them both back home safely. She pulled Stands aside and slipped a packet of herbs into the palm of her hand.

"Make a tea with these herbs and serve it with your evening meal each night while you are away. With any luck, you will leave here as two and come back as three." She whispered in Stands' ear. Stands thanked her and tucked the packet into her bedroll. She mounted her horse and Thunder did the same. Everyone called out their farewells, and wishes for a safe return as they rode off to the west.

"By my estimation, we still have a couple of hours of daylight left. When it gets dark, you need to ride close by my side." He advised. Even though the sun was not high in the sky, the temperature had dropped only slightly. There was an occasional breeze that helped to cool things down a little.

"It was a really good idea to travel at night." He repeated. Stands felt a sense of pride for having thought of it.

They rode together and made small talk about how wonderful it would be when they reached their destination. They talked about the prairie that stretched out around them in every direction. Soon it grew darker and their perimeter of site grew smaller and smaller, until they could barely see 20 feet in front of them. Fortunately the moon was bright and sufficient to light the path before them.

In preparation of their trip, both of them had slept through the day. They had planned to ride straight through till morning, but after just five hours, Stands was struggling to stay awake. Thunder sensed that she was sleepy. She yawned often, and nodded off several times, lulled by the slow rhythm of her horse's gait. He sang to her, thinking that might help to keep her awake, but it only seemed to make matters worse. He was worried that she would doze off and fall off her horse.

"Do you want to stop for a few hours and sleep?" He asked when she was suddenly jolted from her sleep yet again.

"Are you tired?" She asked, groggily.

"Yes." He lied.

"We could stop for a little while if you think it is alright." She agreed. Thunder began looking for a good place to stop. When he found it, he climbed off his horse, untied his bedroll, and spread it out on the ground. He helped Stands down and the two of them left the horses to graze in the grass. When Stands went to get her own bedroll, Thunder took hold of her hand.

"We will share mine." He said, taking her hand and leading her to bed. They fell asleep right away. Thunder slept lightly, keeping one eye open. He woke Stands up before daybreak and they were back on the trail, refreshed.

[69]

As daylight made it easier to see, Stands noticed that her husband was deep in thought. After a moment, he broke the silence.

"Stands." He continued once he was sure that he had her attention. "When you are out on the prairie, there are dangers that you need to be mindful of. Even though you can see everything all around you, you must never forget that you are not alone out here. The Utes, the Pawnee, the Cherokee and the Blackfoot, and now the white people…all of them are dangerous to meet out here. You must always be alert. You can see far in the distance, but you can also be seen. There are few places to hide out here, and it is hard to know what lies over the next hill."

"I understand. Are you worried?" She asked cautiously looking round.

"No. If anyone were near, I would know it. You are safe here with me now, but never forget. An enemy need not be close to hurt you. An arrow flies far on the prairie." Stands nodded.

"When possible, stick to the tree-line. The woods will provide cover, and there are a lot of places to hide if you sense danger."

"There is much to know to be a warrior." She observed. Stands didn't know why she would ever need to know any of it, but he seemed to need to share it, so she listened. She loved the sound of his voice, and she thought of what a good teacher and father he would make. She hoped that Pretty Shield's special tea worked. Life could not be so cruel as to rob her of her child and leave her barren. She needed to be a mother, and Thunder deserved to be a father.

[70]

They arrived at the base of their mountain around mid-day, just as they were beginning to feel the effects of the sun beating down from above. Instead of dismounting, Thunder circled around and found a place where he could lead the horses up the side of the rocks. Eventually he stopped and dismounted.

"We will have to walk the horses the rest of the way. The path is too narrow and steep for us to ride up and this is the best place to dismount." He helped her down and turned over the reins of her horse. She followed him on the narrow ledge.

"Why don't we leave the horses at the bottom?" She asked.

"Anyone who passed by would see them and know that we were nearby. If they looked for us, they would find us before we even knew they were here. Also, the horses could be stolen or they could wander off. It is a long walk back home." He explained. They walked the horses through the narrow path behind the bushes to the clearing where they turned them loose to graze.

"Come with me." Thunder instructed. Stands followed obediently. They walked back down the path and followed the trail back down the mountain. Thunder scanned the woods until he found a broken branch lying on the ground. He picked it up and reached for Stand's hand, leading her back up the mountain.

"Do you see the tracks that the horses made in the sand?" He pointed at the ground.

"Yes, I see them."

"Sweep them away with a branch like this until it looks like the ground is undisturbed. Walk backwards and sweep away your own tracks." Stands took the branch from him and swept the path with it as he had demonstrated.

"Like this?" She asked

"Yes, that is good." When they were back on the path that passed through the rocks, Thunder took the stick from her.

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a dip in the cool water." He suggested.

"Me too! It is so hot!" She fanned herself with her hand. "Should we unpack the horses first?" She asked.

"I'll do it, but first things first." Thunder grabbed Stands and pressed her back up against the rock wall. He kissed her passionately, taking her breath away. His lips tasted her neck as he slowly began to undress her.

"I have thought of nothing but this for days." He admitted. Her tunic fell to the ground around her feet.

"Never in my life have I ever wanted anything the way that I want you." She loved the way he talked to her when they were alone together like this. His words thrilled her every bit as much has his touch.

"Every day, my need for you is stronger. You are a part of my soul, like a river that runs through me." She clung to him as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her body against him. "Like a fire that burns from within." He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to the edge of the water. He sat her gently on her feet and she silently helped him remove his clothes. With his back to the water he looked at her and smiled, then spread his arms and fell backwards into the pool. He disappeared beneath the surface for a moment and then resurfaced with a huge grin on his face. Stands followed his lead and jumped in, splashing water in his face as she broke the surface. When she emerged, they made their way to the middle and to each other.

"Thank you for bringing me back here." Stands said, as he pulled her into his arms.

"I don't know where life will take us," He said, "But I will always remember you here…without your clothes…soaking wet…smiling." They kissed. "I will never know anything more beautiful than that."

"I love you. My heart is so full." She mumbled, trying not to cry. She clung to him in a moment of seriousness which quickly turned to playfulness as she tried to dunk him under the water, and he retaliated by doing the same. Their laughter filled the air. They were having so much fun together that they had forgotten about everything else. Suddenly they were reminded when the horses wandered over to the water's edge for a drink. Noticing that they were still loaded down with their supplies, Thunder reluctantly swam to the edge and began to climb out. Stands followed.

"No, I will get this. You stay here. Enjoy your swim. I'll be back soon." Stands admired her husband's physique as he walked over to the horses, and began unpacking them.

"What are you looking at?" He asked.

"Hmmm?" She asked. He smiled.

"You are staring." He pointed out.

"Well do you know how handsome you are?" She asked. "Or how I feel knowing that you are mine?" Thunder laughed at the way she turned his own words back on him. Stands let him get his work done. She moved to the waterfall. The water showered down on her head, gently massaging her scalp. She worked her fingers through her hair from the scalp to the ends. She ran her hands over her body, making sure to get all the crevices, under her arms, beneath her breasts, between her legs. She didn't hear him slip up behind her. She didn't know that he had been watching her with growing interest. She felt his hands on her hips first.

"Me next." He yelled to be heard over the roar of the waterfall. She turned in his arms and looked at him.

"I can see you are quite dirty." She ran her hands over his skin.

"I meant that it was my turn to wash you, but this is good too." He grinned. By the time they had finished their shower, Thunder had that look in his eyes. It was a look that Stands knew well. When they made love, sometimes is romantic and tender. Other times it was playful, but then there were the times like this when her husband's desire was so great that it could not be denied. Those times were wild and passionate. He did not hurt her, but he was not gentle. The look in his eyes excited her.

"You are going to take me, aren't you?" She asked him. He grinned deviously and nodded. Stands jumped in the water and swam to the bank. He was right behind her. She squealed and playfully tried to run, but he caught her easily and pulled her to the ground. The grass was soft and it tickled her back. He did glorious things to her as he feasted on her breasts. Her own passion grew until she could not restrain herself. She placed her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him lower. He knew what she wanted, and quickly positioned his body to comply. She draped her long legs over his shoulders, and coiled her fingers through his hair. Her boldness magnified his need. He sucked her clit into his mouth, and lovingly assaulted her with his tongue, causing a most intense pleasure to radiate through her.

"Ouch!" He said. "I'd like to have some hair left when we get through." Stands hadn't realized that she had been pulling his hair and quickly released her grip.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She gasped, burying her fingers in the grass instead, but he had already continued and she was instantly delirious.

"I love you! This feels so good!" She cried out as he greedily devoured her.

"I can't!" She cried. "Please!" In one seamless move he lunged forward and buried himself deep inside her with great force. Their bodies collided repeatedly, each impact pushing them closer to the edge, until they could not hold on any longer. He collapsed on top of her, panting. They held tightly to each other as the heat from the afternoon sun warmed their skin.

[71]

"Where should we sleep tonight?" Stands asked, shaking out a buffalo hide.

"Under the willow tree will be perfect I think. I will start working on a tipi tomorrow." Thunder announced.

"We didn't bring one." She reminded him.

"I will go into the woods below and find wood for the poles." He explained.

"Will you also kill the animals and tan their hides to make the canopy?" She teased.

"No, but next time, the poles will be here and you can just pack a canopy." Stands was happy that he was already planning for the next time. She spread the buffalo skin on the ground under the willow tree, then opened their bedrolls and laid them out side-by-side on top of it. Thunder sat a few feet away, whittling on a long straight branch that he cut from one of the trees in the clearing.

"What are you making?" Stands asked.

"I am making a spear." He demonstrated by jabbing the end in the air. "Come sit with me and I will show you how."

"I should fix your dinner. Are you not hungry?"

"Yes, a little, but we can do that in a minute." Stands walked over and sat beside him on the ground.

"All you need to make a spear is a long straight stick and a knife. You can leave the bark on, or take it off, but it needs to be sharp on one end. Always aim the knife away from you like this." He demonstrated how to shave the wood away, leaving a sharp point on one end.

"What will you use this spear for?" She asked.

"In the morning, I am going to teach you to fish." He took the spear he had been working on and handed it to Stands, along with his knife. She whittled away at the end as he demonstrated.

"Next thing you'll be teaching me how to make a bow like I was a young brave." She teased.

"I have to save something for the day after tomorrow." Thunder grinned and then pushed himself up off the ground and went to pick up some sticks to make a fire.

[72]

"How is this?" Stands asked. Thunder Horse paused to look at the tip of the spear that Stands was holding up.

"That is good!" He took his knife back from her and slid it into its sheath on his hip.

"Put it over by the tree." He pointed. When she returned, he had a small fire started, and she reached for another log to help build it up.

"Not too big. You don't want anyone to see the smoke." Stands left the fire to her husband and instead walked to the water's edge where she scooped up a pot full of water. She sat it in the fire to heat, and then retrieved their food and Pretty Shield's tea from their luggage.

[73]

"What is that?" Thunder asked, when she handed him the cup to drink.

"It is tea." Thunder sniffed it cautiously and wrinkled his nose.

"It doesn't smell very good." He sipped it and spit it out. "And it tastes worse! Where did you get this?"

"Pretty Shield. She said it would help us to have a baby."

"And you believed her?" He questioned. Stands shrugged her shoulders.

"What harm could it do to try?" She reasoned. Thunder shrugged his shoulders, and downed the tea in one big gulp. Stands followed suit. They finished their dinner and retired to their pallet under the willow tree. The waterfall made a calming noise that was now accompanied by crickets and a lone bullfrog. Thunder felt the need to join in their symphony, so he pulled out his flute. Stands was happy to listen to him play.

"Will you teach me to play your flute?" She asked eagerly.

"If you like." He agreed. He explained the general idea to her and then gave it to her to try. The sound that came out of the instrument sounded little like the beautiful music that he made.

"I can't do it." She admitted, handing it back to him.

"Of course you can. It takes practice. You should have heard me when I first started to play."

"Were you bad?"

"Worse than you even. I sounded like a cat in heat." Stands laughed at the image.

"Will you play for me now?" She asked.

"Yes. Lay down and close your eyes. I will play you to sleep." Stands kissed him gently on the lips and then stretched out and closed her eyes. It had been a long, exciting day, and Stands was exhausted. She was softly snoring before he finished his second song. Thunder put his flute away. He rolled over on his side and molded his body around his wife's, then closed his eyes and slept.


	12. Chapter 12

Thunder Horse – Chapter 12

[74]

Stands With A Fist stood in water almost waist deep. The same water that flowed over the mountain and into their swimming hole emptied into the riverbed where she was now stalking her prey. She held the spear in the ready position, waiting to strike.

"Be careful, don't stab your foot." Her husband coached from the bank. She looked back at him and rolled her eyes. She thought he looked very smug. He was stretched out on the ground under a shade tree, his back propped against the trunk, and his arms folded behind his head.

"Stand still! You'll scare the fish away." He advised.

"You come and do it." She complained. He hopped up and walked out to her.

"Here, let me show you how it is done." He offered, refusing to take the spear that she offered to him. Instead, he stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

"First, you've got to hold the spear down a little closer to the water. You have it way too high." He rubbed up against her, driving her to distraction. He added his hands to the spear.

"You have to be very still so that the fish will not swim away from you. Now wait, and watch carefully." Suddenly he jabbed the spear into the water between her feet, snapping her out of her amorous thoughts. He pulled the spear out of the water, revealing a small fish.

"See! It is easy!" She looked at his satisfied grin and smiled back at him.

"Is that big enough to feed both of us?" She asked.

"Oh no, this one is mine. A true fisherman catches his own fish." He flung the spear, sending his fish flying up on the bank, then handed the spear back to her and walked away.

"Do it just like I showed you." He instructed, trying not to laugh.

"You can be very mean, do you know that?" She asked.

"Sssh! You'll scare the fish away with all that yelling." He teased. Once on the bank, he picked up his fish and prepared it for cooking. Stands focused on fishing. She was determined now to show him she could catch a fish, especially when she smelled his fish frying. Suddenly a large fish slipped between her ankles and she took a deep breath before plunging the spear down into the water. She squealed as she raised the pole to reveal a fish that was three times as large as Thunder's fish.

"I did it!" She called. Thunder looked up from his small fish and frowned. Stands joined him beside the fire and began cleaning her fish.

"I am a very good teacher." He bragged. "I think yours is big enough to share."

"Oh no! A true fisherman catches his own fish." She reminded.

"Now who is being mean?" He asked. It was Stand's turn to laugh.

Stands cooked her fish, as Thunder ate his. She could not stand the envious look in his eyes as he watched her.

"You have to admit, this is a BIG fish!" She boasted.

"Yes, it is so big that you really couldn't miss it." He sulked.

"Here." She said. "You know that I can never deny you anything." She divided her fish and slid half of it onto his plate. He smiled.

"It really is a big fish! Good job sweetheart. Maybe you should be the provider from now on." He suggested.

"Oh, you would like that wouldn't you? If I took over that job, what would be left for you do?" She asked.

"There is still hunting. No one is better at hunting than I am." He confessed.

"That is just because I haven't tried it yet." She tried to out-boast him. He laughed.

"Tomorrow I will teach you how to shoot a bow." He promised.

"It doesn't look too hard, just pull back the string and let it go." She teased.

"It is not as easy as it looks." He pretended to be offended. "Remember, your target is moving. Besides, you are a woman."

"What does that have to do with it?" She asked, pretending to be offended.

"You know…your woman parts will get in the way." He gestured on his own chest to indicate breasts."

"Do you think so? Maybe that is why the men are the hunters." She suggested.

"Of course. What other reason would there be?"

"Men are the ones who always want to kill things. Not women."

"Even so, it is a good skill to have. You never know when you might need to fend for yourself."

"You are such a good provider, husband. Why would I ever need to do that?" Thunder smiled proudly.

"When we get home, I will teach you how to make a doll out of corn husk." Stands offered. The expression that he gave her made her laugh.

"You never know when you might need to entertain a child." She explained.

"You are so good at taking care of children, why would I ever need to do that?" He teased. Stands was suddenly very serious. He understood what was on her mind before she said it.

"Thunder, I want to have a baby." She sat her empty plate on the ground and crawled into his arms.

"I would like to a baby too." He admitted, pulling her close.

"What if I can't?" She asked seriously. "What if the fall damaged me in some way so that I can't get pregnant anymore? "

"We will deal with it." He comforted her.

"You could take another wife who could give you a child." She suggested.

"No! I don't want or need another wife."

"You are the last of your family. Who will carry on your line if you don't have a child?" She asked.

"Rainbow has two children, maybe more since I last saw her." He said. Stands nodded.

"Just in case, why don't you brew us some of that nasty tea?" Thunder suggested. Stands would have laughed if she were not so desperate for an answer to her prayers. She was willing to try anything. She made the tea while Thunder rinsed off their plates. They quickly gulped down the bitter tea and then climbed into their bed, where they made love, hoping for a miracle.

[75]

The next day, Thunder hauled logs up the mountain from the woods below, and he stripped the bark off of them. He worked on them throughout the day and into the night. Stands knew what he was doing, but she didn't understand why he was going to the trouble. He would erect the frame for the tipi, but they still had no walls to put up. Stands practiced playing the flute until she could actually produce tones that resembled music. In the evening, she surprised her husband by catching more fish for their dinner, and then before bed, he taught her to play a simple tune on the flute.

[76]

On the fourth day, Thunder pulled out his bow and set up some logs for target practice. He taught Stands how to hold the bow and line up the target in her sights. Her aim was off though, and she only hit the target twice out of a dozen tries. Thunder even offered to hold her breasts out of the way for her, but it didn't help her aim at all. The only thing that came from it was a quick roll in the grass. Thunder had the frame of the tipi up by dinnertime. They finished off the last of the tea and went for a moonlight dip in the pool before going to bed.

After making love, they lay together looking up at the stars in the clear night sky.

"I told everyone that we would be back in 4 or 5 days. Tomorrow is the fifth day." Thunder said.

"I wish we could stay here forever, but I also miss our home, and the people." Stands admitted. Thunder nodded in agreement.

"We will leave here when the sun goes down tomorrow evening." He announced.

"I love you. Thank you for bringing me here." She hugged him tightly.

"I love you too." He kissed her. "Thank you for finding this place."

They lay there silently until they both fell asleep.

[77]

The next morning, when they were both awake, Thunder re-rolled their bed rolls and piled them together in preparations for their departure. They packed up all of their belongings, and then spent the morning swimming, and saying goodbye to their paradise. When the time came to pack up the horses, they did so together. When they led the horses through the opening in the rock, Thunder turned back and pulled a large tree limb in front of it.

"What are you doing that for?" Stands asked.

"No one will be able to come through here without disturbing this limb. When we come back, we will be able to tell if these branches are broken, or if it is moved."

"You are so smart. You know so many things that I would never think of." She complimented.

"But you are learning." He smiled and they continued down the mountain, being careful to cover their tracks.

[78]

When they returned home the next morning, they learned that there had been trouble on two fronts. Both the Ute and the Pawnee had raided the camp. They were able to hold their own against the Pawnee, but the Utes had hit them hard. Red Elk was dead, and several others were injured. At tribal council the night before, the decision had been made to wage war against the Utes again. This time, they would show no mercy. Stands was suddenly fearful that Thunder would be chosen to go. She hoped that they would allow him to stay since he had already been riding the prairie all night. Her hope disappeared when Thunder came home and she saw the look on his face.

"No! Thunder, we just got home!" She protested.

"I know."

"You haven't even been to sleep."

"We are riding out in the morning. I can sleep tonight."

"Why do you have to go this time? You went last time."

"Stands, sweetheart, it will be alright."

"I miss you when you go away." She cried. He pulled her into his arms and held her tenderly.

"When you miss me, think of our time in paradise. Remember everything we did, and everything we said. I will be thinking of you there. It will be alright. Please do not be afraid." He comforted her, and felt her acceptance as she exhaled and relaxed in his arms.

"Promise that you won't be gone so long this time."

"I have to do what is best for the tribe, Stands. I don't think I will be gone that long, but I cannot promise you that."

"Okay. Fine." She gave in.

"We have tonight." He suggested.

"I can't." Stands said, stepping back from him. She threw her hands up in the air and let them fall before turning away from him.

"What? Why not?" He demanded.

"I'm bleeding." She admitted sadly. He could feel her disappointment.

"I am so sorry Stands." He said.

"Don't…It is fine." She tried to shake off her disappointment.

"I can still hold you can't I?" He pleaded. She nodded; her back still to him so that he could not see the tears in her eyes. She felt his arms encircle her waist and she leaned back against him.  
>"I love you so much Stands. No matter what else life throws our way, never forget that. Promise me."<p>

"I won't forget it. I love you." She turned in his arms and embraced him; then Thunder picked up his wife and carried her to bed.

[79]

Thunder could not sleep. He lay in bed listening to his wife's sound sleeping. Before daybreak he heard the quiet commotion of the other warriors preparing to leave. He slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Stands. He built a small fire for light as he washed up and got dressed. He pulled out his war paint and sat down to put it on his body.

"You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye were you?" Stands asked. He turned to look at her. She sat up.

"No, of course not, but I wanted to let you sleep as long as possible." Stands climbed out of bed and went to him.

"Let me do that for you." She took the paint and applied it to his face, chest and arms.  
>"Will you braid my hair?" He asked. Stands did not reply, but stepped behind him and began working his long hair into a single braid down his back. When she was finished, she fastened in some feathers. Her husband looked very fierce. She rested her head on his back and hugged him.<p>

"Everything is going to be just fine." He whispered, squeezing her hands gently. "Come and help me get my horse ready for battle."

"Wait!" Stands walked across to the other side of the tipi and came back with a braid of sage. She lit it in the fire and Thunder Horse let her chant prayers of protection over him as he used his hands to waft the smoke over his head. When Stands was satisfied, she put the sage away and Thunder nodded at her. They walked silently to where the other riders were gathering. Thunder whistled and his pony left the herd and walked toward him. Stands and Thunder painted the horse's hide with markings that represented power and swiftness. They both knew when the time had arrived. Thunder took her in his arms and kissed her.

"Remember paradise." He whispered into her ear. "You will find me there waiting for you." She nodded.

"Be safe, and hurry home. I'll be waiting here for you." She promised. Thunder mounted his horse and cast one last look in her direction before he turned and rode away with the others.


	13. Chapter 13

Thunder Horse – Chapter 13

[80]

Stands With a Fist watched the war party until they crossed over the hill out of view. Everyone else who had come to see them off had already moved along and were going about the business of getting their day started. As she walked through the camp, down the familiar path that led to her home, she offered friendly greetings to the people she passed. Pretty Shield and the Chief were sitting on a buffalo hide in front of their tipi. As Stands passed by, they called her over.

"Have breakfast with us this morning." Grey Wolf invited. Stands sat down on the rug facing them.

"How was your trip?" He asked.

"It was very nice. Thunder Horse is teaching me to be a fine warrior." She laughed.

"Really?"

"Yes." Stands relayed the fishing story to them, and both laughed to find that she had caught the bigger fish.

"And how was the tea, dear?" Pretty Shield asked.

"Disgusting, but we drank it all."

"And…." Pretty shield waited for her to go on. Stands' smile faded and she shook her head.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Do not lose hope." She took Stands' hand and gently patted it with her own. Grey Wolf was not sure what was going on, but he did not ask any questions.

"I know our country well. Where did you make camp?" He asked.

"It is a hidden place, little more than a crack in the mountain, but there is a clearing at the other end. We found it by accident one day. I like to think that no one has ever seen it but us. Thunder Horse calls it our paradise." Stands explained.

"Oh, how romantic!" Pretty Shield commented. "You have made a good match with Thunder Horse. He is very happy to be your husband. He has said so."

"And I am very happy to be his wife." Stands accepted a piece of jerky when Pretty Shield offered it. "But look at the two of you. You have been married for a very long time." Stands pointed out.

"We have many years on you, it is true." Grey Wolf laughed.

"One day you will be our age, and you will look back fondly on these days." Pretty Shield said.

"I hope so. Thank you for breakfast. I'm going to stop and visit with Black Shawl on my way home." Stands stood up, still working on the jerky.

"Will you tell her to come and see me today?" Pretty Shield asked.

"Yes, I will. Thank you again. Have a good day." Stands turned and continued down the path.

[81]

The children were playing outside of Kicking Bird's lodge. Willow was watching over her younger brothers and sister. Little Bear ran to Stands when he saw her coming down the path. Stands loved all of Black Shawl's children. She was much older than any of them, but they still looked up to her as a big sister.

"Is your mother inside?" She asked Willow.

"Yes. She is inside."

"And Kicking Bird?" Stands asked.

"He rode out on the prairie this morning." Stands nodded. When the war party was away, the warriors who were left behind were expected to protect the camp. Usually Kicking Bird left that to the younger men, but he must have been in the mood for a ride this morning. Stands bent over and kissed Little Bear on the top of his head and then left them to play. She stepped into the open hatch.

"Good morning Black Shawl. Do you need help today?" Black Shawl was busy tidying up the tipi, and she turned to greet Stands with a smile.

"Yes! Thank you! Kicking Bird got up early to see off the war party and succeeded in waking up all of the children early too. Now he is out enjoying the peace and quiet, and left me with everything to do."

"Just tell me what you need." Stands volunteered.

"Will you fetch some water?" Stands took the empty bladders from where they were tied.

"How is your wood?" She looked and saw for herself that they were still well supplied. "Never mind…just water then." Stands turned to leave but then remembered. "Oh, Pretty Shield asked me to tell you to come and see her sometime today." Black Shawl nodded, and Stands stepped outside.

"Stands With a Fist, can I go to the river with you?" Little Bear asked when he saw the bladders in her hands.

"Ask your mother." She told him. He ran into the tipi and came out a few minutes later, toothlessly grinning from ear to ear.

"She said I could!" He announced, taking Stand's hand.

"Okay, but you have to listen to me." She warned.

"I will!" Stands and the boy walked hand-in-hand down the path to the river. The water was calm and Stands sat down on a log to remove her moccasins. It was going to be another hot day. She hoped that Thunder Horse would not be too uncomfortable out on the prairie.

"Can I get in the water Stands With a Fist?" Little Bear begged. Stands hung the empty bladders from a tree branch and took the boy's hand. Little Bear had a very special place in her heart. He was a sweet boy, and she had cared for him many times since he was born. Together, they walked out into the still water. Little Bear bent over, looking for smooth pebbles to add to his collection. Stands stayed nearby watching him. Her need for a child of her own was so strong that she ached at the thought of never getting another chance.

Suddenly, movement on the other side of the river caught her attention and she looked up to see the wolf. Like all the times before, it made no move to approach them, but only watched them intently from the bank. Even though she wasn't afraid of the wolf herself, she didn't know what it would do with Little Bear there, so she moved closer to protect the boy.

"Look!" He yelled, pointing at the wolf.

"Don't be afraid, he won't hurt you." She assured him. Just then the wolf turned and ran into the bushes, leaving them to finish their treasure hunt. After Little Bear had found as many rocks as he could carry, Stands retrieved the bladders and filled them with water, then slipped her moccasins back on her feet and they walked back to their father's lodge.

[82]

Black Shawl invited Stands to have the evening meal with them so that she would not have to eat alone. The two women and the children were in conversation when Kicking Bird came back home later that day. He seemed to be very deep in thought and was not in a mood to talk, so he sat off to the side and ate his food alone. Black Shawl looked at Stands, then at her husband and then back at Stands. They both shrugged their shoulders. After dinner, Black Shawl invited Stands to sleep over, but Stands was ready to be back in her own bed, so she declined.

[83]

Kicking Bird's demeanor did not change for the next several days. Finally, after talking to Grey Wolf, he seemed more like himself again. The raids were hard on their food supply, and everyone was worried that the buffalo had not returned. Just a few weeks ago, they had been in a good position, but things change fast on the prairie. No one was surprised when a dance was announced.

[84]

"Stands With a Fist, can I come in?" Willow peeked into the tipi where Stands was sitting with Thunder's flute, practicing the tune that he had taught her.

"Yes, come in." Willow climbed in and sat down beside Stands on the ground.

"What is going on?" She asked.

"I came to tell you that we are having a buffalo dance tonight."

"Oh, that is good to know. Thank you for telling me."

"When did you learn to play the flute?" Willow asked.

"Thunder Horse is teaching me to play. Have you heard him play it? He is very good."

"Sometimes at night I can hear him." Willow admitted.

"That is usually when he plays. It is harder than it looks, but he makes it look easy."

"I hope that one day I marry a man like Thunder Horse." Willow said. Stands smiled.

"You would be very lucky to find another man like him. I hope you do." Just then, they both heard the faint sound of Black Shawl calling for Willow.

"I have to go, but can I come back and walk with you to the dance?" Willow asked, standing to go.

"Yes, that will be fine. I will wait for you to come."

[85]

The men met that night before the dance. By the time that Stands and Willow arrived, news had spread throughout the camp that explained Kicking Bird's mood for the past several days. One single white man had returned to the soldier fort at the white men's camp. Kicking Bird had seen him with his own two eyes. Everyone was curious about him, and why he had come back. Stands With a Fist recalled the rumor that the white men would not allow other white people to live with the Indians. She hoped that was not true, but she had heard many people say that it was, so she decided that she would stay very close to camp until Thunder Horse returned. She hoped that would be soon.

[86]

Smiles a Lot, Worm, and Otter were in big trouble. After hearing about the white man, they slipped away in the night and rode out to see him for themselves. They didn't see him, but they did try to steal his horse. Otter's shoulder was injured, and they didn't even have the horse to show for their trouble. Talk of the white man disturbed Stands With A Fist. She worried that other white men would come, and she feared that they would retaliate for the harassment they received at the hands of the Sioux people. After witnessing the trouble that the boys had gotten into with their fathers, Stands didn't think that they would try it again anytime soon, but Wind in His Hair and several of the other young warriors had painted themselves up for war, and were preparing to ride out to the soldier fort that very day.

[87]

Stands With A Fist had taken Willow and her brothers and sister to the river to swim. It was such a hot afternoon that swimming provided a bit of relief. Stands had removed her moccasins and waded in knee deep. Willow did the same. In the past week, the young girl had become like a shadow, accompanying Stands as she did her chores every day. It was clear that she looked up to her big sister and wanted to be like her in every way. Stands was happy for the diversion. Eight year old Turtle practiced skipping rocks across the surface of the river; while five year old Little Bear and four year old Angel splashed each other and looked for more rocks. Stands looked up when Smiles A Lot appeared suddenly on the path from camp.

"They are back!" He called out to her.

"Who?" She asked.

"The war party that went against the Utes. My mother sent me to tell you."

"Thank you!" Stands happily herded the children out of the water and slipped her feet back into her moccasins. She was eager to see her husband, and the children were moving slowly. She scooped Angel up into her arms and urged the others to keep up, and then she walked quickly back to camp. When they all reached Kicking Bird's tipi, Stands turned to Willow.

"Will you please stay here and watch the children until your mother comes back? Please?" Stands pleaded.

"Yes, I will watch them. You go on." Willow herded her brothers and sister into the tipi and Stands hurried on down the path to where everyone else had gathered to welcome the warriors home.

There was a crowd gathered, and she had not yet seen Thunder Horse, but the closer she got, the more her happiness faded and turned into worry. The sounds she heard were not happy sounds; they were the sounds of weeping and moaning. Not all of the warriors had made it back home alive, and there were many injuries. Panic rose up inside her and she felt like she might throw up.

"Thunder Horse!" She cried out, hoping that he would call out to her, but he did not. Frantically, she pushed through the crowd until she saw Kicking Bird, and Black Shawl, and Pretty Shield, and Wind in His Hair. They were standing over him, and he wasn't moving. When she realized that he was gone, the pain in her chest made it impossible to breath. She began to tremble, and it felt as if her brain was going to explode. She ran to him and they stepped aside to let her pass. She dropped to the ground and fell on him; her anguished screams not enough to wake her from her nightmare. She fought to hold on to him, even as their hands pulled her back. Wind In His Hair wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly against him, not releasing her, even when she pounded her fists on his back. Her cries pierced his ears and his heart. Grey Wolf tenderly placed his hand on her shoulder and then walked away to survey the rest of the disaster. Pretty Shield and Black Shawl stood waiting to offer their support, but Wind in His Hair did not release his grip on her until she had calmed down. Slowly, he released her, making sure that her knees would support her. When she looked in his face, she saw his jaw was clenched tight. He tried to suppress his own pain, but she did not fail to notice the mist in his eyes. She knew that his heart was broken. Her husband had been his best friend.

"Thank you." She said in a voice that was shaky and hoarse. Black Shawl and Pretty Shield immediately stepped in. Each woman took an arm, supporting her weight. Stands looked back once more as Kicking Bird and Wind In His Hair lifted her husband's body and carried him towards the tribal tent where he would lie until his burial ceremony. The two women ushered her down the path through the village. When they steered her towards Kicking Bird's tipi, she gently broke free and ran home where she would now have to live alone. She stepped inside and quickly pulled the door flap closed before climbing into bed. It was a hot day, far too hot for heavy blankets, but Stands pulled their blanket over her head. She just wanted to disappear and shut out the rest of the world. She lay there in the bed that now seemed huge and empty. Thunder Horse would never sleep in it again. The thought caused her physical pain where she used to have a heart. The two older women entered the tipi, uninvited.

"Stands With a Fist. Do not worry. We will prepare his body, but you should not be here alone. Please come back with me." Black Shawl urged. Stands suddenly sat upright. She stood up and hurried past the two women. They followed her as she ran back to the tribal tent.

[88]

Stands found her husband's body stretched out on a pallet. Beside him were the bodies of five other men, surrounded by their families who were preparing them for the ceremony that would take place that night. Grey Wolf, Kicking Bird, and Wind in His Hair stood over Thunder Horse. They all looked at her when she arrived.

"I will do this." Stands With A Fist slowly approached her husband's body.

"You do not need to. I will do it." Wind in His Hair offered.

"I am still his wife. I will do this for him." She insisted. Kicking Bird nodded and one by one the men backed away, leaving her alone with him.

_"I meant that it was my turn to wash you, but this is good too." _

His words echoed in her memory.

_"I like the way that you take care of me. Will you stop now that you have won my heart?"_

A shiver ran through her, but his words strengthened her resolve. One last time she would care for him. She carefully untangled his braid; the same one that she had braided the morning that he left. She ran her fingers through his hair, memorizing the texture. Carefully she braded it again and fastened it with a chord that she tore from the hem of her own gown.

Stands picked up a cloth and dipped it into the water trough that had been placed nearby. Tenderly, she washed his face. She wiped away sweat, and dirt, and war paint. Her fingers caressed his brow, and traced the shape of his lips and the line of his jaw. It was her husband's face, but he was not there. The light was gone. She didn't want to remember him like this. For a moment she closed her eyes and let the memory of his face fill her thoughts. He was happy and smiling. That is how she would remember him.

She wet the cloth again and washed his chest. She could tell by to location of the wound that his death had come quickly. The arrow had pierced his heart. She was thankful that he did not suffer. She washed his arms, lingering for a moment to examine the self-inflicted scars. She thought once more of their daughter, and of the children that they would never have. Her tears fell as she took his hand in hers. She placed his palm against her cheek and held it there.

[89]

"She is your daughter. She is hurting. You must say something to her." Black Shawl nudged Kicking Bird in the direction of Stands With a Fist. It was heartbreaking to witness her pain. Kicking Bird stared at his wife, and the others, Grey Wolf, Pretty Shield, and Wind in His Hair.

"What should I say?" He whispered.

"You will think of something." Pretty Shield encouraged. Kicking Bird reluctantly walked toward his beloved adopted daughter. He was not comfortable with displays of affection, but that didn't mean that he didn't care. He had raised Stands With a Fist since she was Turtle's age, and he loved her as if she were his own flesh and blood.

"Stands, I know this is difficult for you to understand right now, but the Great Spirit has a purpose for everything. Your husband is in a better place than this." Stands looked at Kicking Bird with confusion on her face.

"What I mean is, it was good that you and your husband went on your trip when you did. You will always have the memory of that happy time."

"Do you think he knew?" She asked suddenly.

"What?"

"Do you think that Thunder Horse knew that he was going to die when he left here that morning?" Stands wanted to know. He thought hard for several moments before speaking.

"Not here," Kicking Bird touched his finger to his forehead, then lowered it and placed his hand over his chest. "but, I think in his heart he might have known that his time with you was short."

"He taught me how to travel safely on the prairie; how to cover my tracks, how to make a spear and catch a fish, how to make and string a bow, and how to aim and shoot it. He taught me so many things."

"I think he was teaching you how to live without him." Kicking Bird said.

"But I don't want to live without him." She cried.

"It was important to him that you survive. You must find a way to go on, for him." Stands stood up tall and blinked back her tears. She planted a kiss on Thunder Horse's palm and gently laid it at his side.

"Can you do this for me? I can't…" Kicking Bird waved, and soon they were joined by Wind in His Hair.

"I will finish this." He said softly. She nodded at him.

"Thank you." Stands turned back to Kicking Bird.

"After the ceremony, I want his ashes." She said.

"It is not necessary. All of the men will be taken to the burial ground…" Stands held up her hand.

"He is my husband. I will lay him to rest with our daughter." She demanded. Kicking Bird nodded sympathetically.

"He would have wanted that. I will see that you get them." Stands turned and left them there to finish. Black Shawl and Pretty Shield followed her from the tribal tent, but she did not stop to talk. When they continued to follow her, she turned to face them.

"I know that you are worried about me, but I need to be alone now. Please." Hot tears streamed down her face.

"If you need me, Stands…" Black Shawl began.

"I will find you." She promised. The two older women let her go on alone.

"That poor child." Pretty Shield sighed.

"I'm so afraid that she will leave us like before." Black Shawl shared her concerns with Pretty Shield.

"She is stronger now than she was then. If it were going to happen, it would have by now." Pretty Shield reasoned.

"I need to get home. The children are with Willow." Black Shawl said as they hugged and went their separate ways.

[90]

There was much sadness in the camp that night. Stands sat between Pretty Shield and Grey Wolf who took turns holding her hand. She felt numb, having spent all afternoon crying until her eyes felt like they would float right out of their sockets. The hardest part was watching them place his body on the funeral pyre. She wanted to scream for them to stop. She needed to see him one last time, to hold his hand and to kiss his lips. The pain in her chest was more than she could stand. It was a burning pain that made it hard to breath…an arrow though the heart. She covered her face with her hands and began to rock back and forth. Suddenly Black Shawl was there with a cup of hot tea. Stands tried to push it away, but they forced her to drink it. It worked quickly, calming her down and making her feel relaxed. After a while, she could breathe easier, and the pain relaxed its grip. She grew sleepy. She wanted to sleep forever.


	14. Chapter 14

Thunder Horse – Chapter 14

[91]

Stands With a Fist opened her eyes. She was still in the tribal tent, but almost everyone else had gone. There were still a few people milling about outside. She could hear their muffled whispers. She wondered just how long she had been out. She was still a little disoriented, but not so much that she forgot where she was, or why she was there. Her whole body ached to the bone. Suddenly, Kicking Bird appeared bearing what she guessed were her husband's remains.

"Oh, you are awake." He put the bundle on the ground beside her. "I sent Black Shawl home with the children hours ago. I promised her that I would make sure that you got home safely. I have a little more work to do, but I won't be long. You can stay in my lodge tonight. Just rest here until I come for you." He waited for her to acknowledge him. When she nodded, he turned and left her alone. Stands didn't wait for him to come back. He would insist on going with her, or on sending Wind in His Hair to protect her. There was something that she needed to do, and she needed to do it alone. Stands picked up the bundle that held Thunder Horse's ashes and she held it tightly to her chest, then she left the tent and started walking. She imagined it to be two or three hours until daybreak. Surely she would reach the tree by then.

[92]

One hour into her journey, she began questioning her decision to go on foot, and her sense of direction. Nothing looked familiar to her even though it was a bright night.

"Do you see?" She cried out. "I can't do this without you!" She yelled to the sky.

"Why did you leave me here?" She walked on.

"I would have gone with you! We could be together now!" Stands heard a noise in the grass nearby and jumped when the wolf came into view.

"Oh, it's just you. What do you want from me? Have you come to watch me suffer?" The wolf whimpered and followed her at a distance. "Isn't that what you want?" She kept walking in the direction that she thought was right.

"Maybe I'll just get lost out here and never be heard from again. I'll spend the rest of my miserable life wandering around the prairie carrying you around!" Suddenly she dropped to her knees and threw up.

[93]

The sunrise was beautiful. Stands couldn't help but think of how much Thunder would have loved it. At least she knew she was still headed in the right direction. The wolf was still following 20 or 30 feet behind. He stopped when she stopped and waited while she got her bearings. When she continued, so did the wolf. She was trying hard to keep her emotions in check, but a single tear escaped and left a trail down her cheek.  
>"Thunder, why did you have to go?" Over the next ridge, Stands breathed a sigh of relief. The lonely tree loomed before her as if it had been waiting for her to return. Its branches waved wildly in the wind that swayed the tall grass and blew through her hair. Sadly, she walked toward it. The wolf did not follow. When she reached the tree, she knelt before it. She kissed her fingertips and gently laid them on the ground beside the tree.<p>

"Heaven's Tears, I have brought your father to you. I pray that he will find you on the other side, and that you will be together." Stands swallowed back her tears and her voice cracked. She waited until the wind died down before she opened the bundle and spread her husband's remains on the ground around the tree. A gusty wind ripped the empty cloth from her hands and sent it whirling out onto the prairie. She thought it fitting. He always loved riding out there.

"I will remember you always, my love." She said after a few minutes. "I will remember everything." Her tears flowed freely now. "I will remember everything you ever said to me, everything we ever did. I will remember everything you taught me. Most of all, I will remember how much you loved me." Stand pulled her knife out of its sheath. "I will always love you." She laid the blade against the scar on the back of her left arm, and in one quick swipe she opened it back up. She screamed her pain across the prairie. She made another cut, and punctuated it with another scream. She did this again and again, each scream louder; each cut deeper. The blood poured from her wounds. It stained her clothes and puddled in her lap. It was in her hair and on her face. She felt light headed. Stands held her arm up and watched the blood drip from her fingertips onto the ground to blend with Thunder's ashes, and she smiled. She had not planned it, but it made her happy. She realized that her cuts were too deep, she had lost too much blood, and she was too far from home. The last drop would spill right there on that little piece of land that held her heart.

"Wait for me. I will be with you soon." She swayed as she sang the song that Thunder had taught her.

[94]

The sound startled her. When she turned around, she saw a man on a horse. At least she thought it was a man. The banner that he carried had blown across his face. When he pulled it away and she saw that he was a white man, her heart sunk like a stone into her stomach. So many things ran through her mind at once. First, was the fear that he would interfere with her plans to die. Second, was the fear that after interfering with her plans to die, he would take her away. Not only would she not be with Thunder Horse and Heaven's Tears on the other side, she would never see her family again. Third, was the fear that he would kill her himself, which was an irrational fear since death was what she was hoping for. Stands tried to stand up, but she was weak from the loss of blood and fell to her knees. The man dismounted and came after her as she crawled away.

"Wait! You're hurt!" He said. She had not heard the language of the white settlers since her parents died, but somehow she knew what his words meant. She held the knife, prepared to strike if necessary, but she was too weak to resist him. He grabbed her wrists and the knife fell to the ground.

"Don't!" She screamed, just before her world went black.

[95]

When she regained consciousness, Stands knew that she was not dead. Death couldn't hurt this bad. Before she opened her eyes, she knew that she was back at camp. She heard the whispered voices of Black Shawl and Willow. Slowly she pried her eyes open and tried to focus. She was in Kicking Bird's lodge. Against the wall, in front of her was a neat little stack of some objects that she recognized. Stands threw off the light blanket that covered her to find that she still wore her blood soaked tunic, but her arm and been bandaged. She struggled to get up on her feet and stumbled towards the door, ignoring the sympathetic looks that Black Shawl and Willow cast in her direction. Stands threw open the door flap and squinted. It was the middle of the day, but what day? She wondered. She looked across the camp and let out a whimper. Her home was gone. Nothing was left of the life that she loved. Thunder Horse's lodge had been disassembled and she had been absorbed back into her father's house. With no brother to leave his belongings, Thunder Horse's property now belonged to Kicking Bird. Stands turned and walked back to bed. She pulled the covers up over her head. Looking out, she surveyed all that was left of the man that she loved; his blanket, his bow, his knife, and his flute. She reached for the flute and closed her eyes, remembering how gently his lips touched it when he played. She raised the flute to her own lips, as if in doing so would take the place of a kiss. She began to cry again.

[96]

Stands was sleeping when Kicking Bird came in that evening.

"Did she wake up?" Kicking Bird asked his wife.

"Yes. She went to the door, saw that their tipi was gone, then went back to bed and cried for an hour before she fell asleep again. She hasn't moved since."

"Has she eaten?" He asked.

"No, and I'm worried. She hasn't eaten in two days."

"Should we wake her up?" Kicking Bird asked.

"You are the medicine man, and her father. She needs to eat soon or she will starve." Kicking Bird walked over to where Stands was sleeping. He squatted down and shook her by the shoulder.

"Stands With A Fist!" He called sternly. "It is time for you to wake up and eat." Stands groaned her complaint and pulled the blanket tighter.

"Get up now!" He demanded. "You cannot sleep all day." Stands did not get up. It frustrated Kicking Bird to be ignored, but he knew that she was not herself. He took a piece of jerky from a pouch that hung overhead and he returned to her side.

"Stands With A Fist, open your eyes!" Stands woke up, but did not get up. He put the jerky in her hand.

"At least eat this." He ordered. She did not move. "Take a bite." He closed his hand around hers and moved the meat to her mouth. Reluctantly, she took a bite. Kicking Bird nodded in satisfaction.

"You do not have to get up now, but you must eat. You have lost a lot of blood. You need food to get better. You can do it yourself, or I can feed you, but you are going to eat." Stands took another bite. Kicking Bird left her and went back to sit with Black Shawl.

"She is starting to smell. Does she not have anything else to wear besides that ruined tunic?" He asked.

"I'll take care of it tomorrow." Black Shawl promised.

[97]

Stands was rudely awakened the next day. The blanket that covered her was torn away and she opened her eyes to find herself surrounded by women. They pulled and prodded her until she was on her feet and then they forced her to go outside. She threw her uninjured arm up to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight. The women pushed her down the path toward the river. Pretty Shield was already there. She had built a fire on the bank near the fallen log. A pot of stew was cooking. Black Shawl made Stands sit down on the log. She tried to comb through her matted, tangled mess of hair and quickly gave up. Instead, she pulled out a sharp knife and hacked through it, just below the shoulders. She tossed the long tresses onto the fire, and then moved out of the way. Two other women moved in to help Stands out of her ruined tunic.

"Here, burn this." One of them said to Pretty Shield, who threw the blood stained garment on the flames. They took her hands and pulled her towards the water where they scrubbed her down from head to toe, being mindful of her injured arm. Stands thought that they must have removed two layers of skin. She felt raw, but clean. Next, they gently cleaned her wounds and applied a fresh bandage.

"Which one of these do you want me to put on her?" One of the women said, holding up two brand new tunics.

"That one." Pretty Shield pointed to a golden colored gown trimmed in blue and white beadwork. "I made two. That one is for everyday; the other is for special occasions."

"They are beautiful!" the women gushed. They were beautiful garments, and Stands was touched that Pretty Shield had made them for her. She cooperated as the women slipped the everyday dress over her head. Black Shawl sent Willow back to the tipi with Stands' other new dress. The women spread out blankets on the ground and they all sat down including Stands With a Fist. A bowl of hot stew was put in her hands.

"Do we need to feed you too?" One of the women asked her.

"No." Stands replied. The woman smiled.

"Good." Stands slowly ate the stew and listened to the women gossip. She kept looking across the river for the wolf, but he didn't come. She imagined that he thought there were too many people at the river today.

[98]

After they had finished eating, they led her back to camp. When she tried to go back inside Kicking Bird's tipi, Pretty Shield blocked her path. She took Stands hand and led her through the village to the tribal circle. Stands felt the eyes of the people on her as she walked with her head bowed. Pretty Shield walked her past Grey Wolf, Stone Calf and Kicking Bird who were seated together in conversation. They looked up as she passed by, then respectfully looked away, but not before she saw the pity in their eyes.

They walked past a group of warriors, including Wind in His Hair, who was making arrowheads. He also looked up and then quickly looked away. The tight set of his jaw did little to conceal his sadness. Pretty Shield stopped in front of a buffalo hide that was staked to the ground. She bent down and picked up the animal bone that served as a scraper. She put it in Stands' hand. Stands only stared at it and let it fall to the ground. Pretty Shield picked it up again and put it back into Stands' hands. The old woman took Stand's face in her leathery hands and looked into her eyes.

"Work Stands. Work. It will help to ease your pain." The woman's eyes expressed her sympathy. Stands nodded, and when Pretty Shield walked away, she got down on her hands and knees and began to work.

[99]

Stands finished the first hide and moved on to the next one. Pretty Shield came and got the finished one and smiled at Stands approvingly, then she was gone again. Stands was so intent on her work that did not see what everyone else saw. In disbelief, everyone watched as Thunder Horse's pony walked out of the herd and slowly moved towards her. When he whinnied she looked up to find him standing in front of her. Stands dropped her tool and stood up. She walked over to the horse and put her arms around his neck.

"I miss him too." She whispered in the horse's ear. A thought entered her mind, but before she could follow through with it, she needed to talk to Kicking Bird. He was still sitting with Grey Wolf and Stone Calf, and the three of them were looking at her. She walked toward them and the horse followed. Stands knelt in front of the men.

"May I bother you?" She spoke to Kicking Bird who nodded.

"I want to thank you for giving me a place to stay with your family. I am very grateful." He nodded again and smiled.

"I know that my husband's horses belong to you now. I mean no disrespect." Kicking Bird looked at the pinto that waited behind her.

"You want his horse?" Kicking Bird asked.

"I know that it is not customary for women to own horses, but I am asking this one thing of you." Kicking Bird looked at Grey Wolf, and Stone Calf, then he made his own decision.

"He is yours to do with what you like." Kicking Bird decided. Stands smiled weakly.

"Thank you." Stands stood up and walked to where Wind in His Hair was sitting. He immediately stood up and waited for her to speak.

"You were like a brother to my husband." She stated. He looked her in the eye, his face hard and serious. "This is a warrior's horse. He does not belong here grazing in the grass with the old mares. He is yours now. My husband would have wanted this." Wind in His Hair stared at her in disbelief, and then he looked at Kicking Bird who proudly nodded his approval.

"Thank you." He said. Stands nodded.

"Ride him well. He loves to fly across the prairie. He is a good horse." Wind in His Hair mounted the horse. He looked down at Stands and smiled and then he was gone. Stands knew that she had done the right thing. She stood there a moment and watched them as they grew smaller and smaller the further away they rode. She looked back at the three old men who smiled back at her, and then she went back to her work.

[100]

Life in Kicking Bird's home had its ups and downs. The hardest part was lying in bed at night, pretending to be asleep while he and Black Shawl talked to each other as married couples do, or worse, when they made love. When she was younger, Stands always felt like she was an intruder, but now, those sounds reminded her of Thunder Horse and left her with a deep longing that nothing could satisfy. Work became her saving grace. She worked from the time she rolled out of bed until she fell into bed at night. The first thing every morning she would haul wood. If she needed time to cry, she did it under cover of the trees. Some days she only shed a few tears, but other days she would stay in the woods for a long time, her pain raw like the very first day without him. After hauling wood, she went to the river for water. The wolf was often there waiting for her. She looked for him and missed him when he wasn't there. He was a good companion and she talked to him all the time. She told him all the things that she wanted to share with Thunder Horse but couldn't. He was a good listener.

Stands worked in the garden during harvest time. She tanned hides and ground spices. She made clothes for the children and helped Black Shawl. On one particularly bad day, Stands made several trips to the woods. When she returned to the tipi, Black Shawl stopped her.

"Stands, we have enough wood. If you bring more, I'll have to put one of my children out into the cold to make room for it." When Stands started to cry, Black Shawl made another suggestion. "I'm sure that Pretty Shield can use the extra wood." Stands carried the extra wood to Grey Wolf's tipi. Pretty Shield cheerfully accepted the it.

"Is Kicking Bird back from the Soldier fort yet?" She asked. Stands knew that her father had been visiting the white man at the fort; the same man that she encountered on the prairie that day, but she was trying not to think about it. She still feared the man, even he did bring her back home to her people.

"I did not know that was where he went today."

"Winter is coming. We will be striking for the winter camp soon. Kicking Bird fears that the white man will not survive the winter. He took him a buffalo blanket." Stands could not believe that Thunder Horse had been gone for four months. It seemed like yesterday.


End file.
